


ruin me

by sobbestories



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Poor Robbe, Popular Sander, Rebel Robbe, Rich Sander, Soulmates, Strangers to Lovers, also every chapter will be about 5k to 10k words hehe, it might be more than five chapters but who knows, there's like lots of angst but also lots of fluff so treat yourself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 38,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24699058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobbestories/pseuds/sobbestories
Summary: Robbe's life has always been a complete mess. His dad left, his mom struggles with her mental health and his parents' company was shut down by the town's mayor - Paul Driesen. If Robbe hated anyone with all he had, it were the Driesens. It became even worse when the mayor offered him a spot at the town's college he owns, to try and make up for the mess he made. Robbe eventually decides to go, even though he doesn't want to, not when it's a ''gift'' from the people he despises the most. And he hates it there. That is, until he meets a certain blonde haired guy who completely takes his breath away.
Relationships: Robbe IJzermans/Jens Stoffels, Robbe IJzermans/Noor Bauwens, Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 42
Kudos: 187





	1. summary

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to a new five-part fic i decided to write a few days ago!  
> i'll upload one chapter every week (every sunday).  
> i hope you guys like it! <3

Robbe's life has always been a complete mess.

His dad left, his mom struggles with her mental health and his parents' company was shut down by the town's mayor - Paul Driesen.

If Robbe hated anyone with all he had, it were the Driesens. It became even worse when the mayor offered him a spot at the town's college he owns, to try and make up for the mess he made.

Robbe eventually decides to go, even though he doesn't want to, not when it's a ''gift'' from the people he despises the most.

And he hates it there.

That is, until he meets a certain blonde haired guy who completely takes his breath away.


	2. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robbe's life has always been a complete mess. His dad left, his mom struggles with her mental health and his parents' company was shut down by the town's mayor - Paul Driesen. If Robbe hated anyone with all he had, it were the Driesens. It became even worse when the mayor offered him a spot at the town's college he owns, to try and make up for the mess he made. Robbe eventually decides to go, even though he doesn't want to, not when it's a ''gift'' from the people he despises the most. And he hates it there. That is, until he meets a certain blonde haired guy who completely takes his breath away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to a new five-part fic i decided to write a few days ago!  
> i'll upload one chapter every week (every sunday).  
> i hope you guys like it! <3

Blinding lights. Loud pumping music. A crowded room, people everywhere. Partying. Drinking. Smoking.

It had basically become Robbe’s new life.

Robbe’s entire teenage life had been a mess. On the age of twelve, his mom had been diagnosed with a mental illness. His dad left both him and her behind in what was not even a year later, apparently unable to handle the ‘’new person’’ his mom had become. His parents used to own a company together, one that, now that his dad had left, Robbe’s mom had to run completely on her own. Robbe hadn’t been old enough to understand how he was able to help her, and next to him, there wasn’t anyone who cared enough about them to help them out, too. So the situation got even worse. The town’s mayor, Paul Driesen, had shut off his mom’s company after she couldn’t afford to pay anymore bills. They tried, so fucking hard, to keep the company running in a way that didn’t worsen his mom’s mental situation, but it didn’t pay off the way they wanted it to. Or at least, the way the mayor wanted it to. He refused to believe in his mom, in her company, and in the help Robbe could offer, even now that he was 18. After his mom’s company got closed, they barely had an income at all. The mayor gave his mom some kind of payment every month, just enough for the both of them to live from. The only two things Robbe still had were his mom and a roof above his head.

By now, he was used to live like this. Living without a lot of money, living with a mom that had a mental illness, living a life where Robbe was the one who had to pay the bills, even though he was only 18. But it was quite simply the way his life was supposed to be. There was no other way.

But then, when Robbe turned 18 and graduated high school (barely), the mayor had given both him and his mom quite the offer. The mayor owned everything in town, including the high class college every single high school student always wanted to go to. Robbe had always dreamt of attending it, of being allowed and able to wear that iconic uniform, to be a part of the college life he had always wanted to be a part of. That was, until the mayor offered him a place at that specific college. For free. As some kind of ‘’make-up’’ for whatever he did to his mom. The mayor knew his mom was never able to pay for a college tuition. He also knew he needed a student to fix all of his shitty jobs, knowing that Robbe wouldn’t complain he had to, because he didn’t have another choice. Robbe knew those were the only two reasons he had ever offered it in the first place. To clean up his ego and to fix shitty business he didn’t want to fix himself. And that’s exactly where Robbe came in.

But he didn’t have another choice. He wanted to make his mom proud, he wanted to go to college, he needed to if he ever wanted to get an average job. So even though he hated it, even though he’d much rather stay away from the place he had always dreamt about, he decided to go. Because he simply had to.

Robbe fucking _hated_ the Driesens. With every single bone in his body.

And now, two months in, he stood here. In the bar on campus. Working. Every, single, night. Because that was the one condition: Robbe did have to work to be able to stay on campus. The mayor had said it was a ‘’free offer’’, but it never really was. Robbe had to do everything he asked him to, or else he would still throw him out. It was as simple as that.

Robbe sighed as he put away some of the beer glasses he just cleaned. He nudged his colleague’s arm, as he threw the towel that was still left on his shoulder next to him on the empty bar.

‘’Isn’t it time for my break soon?’’ The guy smiled at him, obviously realizing how done Robbe was with his shift. Not even just this shift. It was quite clear that Robbe was done with this job, this place, this town, all at once. You didn’t have to be a smart-ass to understand that.

His colleague nudged his shoulder, making him turn around to face the bar again. ‘’Almost. But just help that guy first. I need to finish this.’’

As Robbe faced the bar yet again, this time it wasn’t empty. Right in front of him stood a blonde haired guy, or at least, that’s how he had dyed it. He wore a white t-shirt which was a little too tight for him, showing off his sportive posture underneath. He was holding what looked like a leather jacket over his shoulder with one finger, the other hand leaning on the bar Robbe was tending. The guy looked like he had walked straight out of a movie. Intriguing. Captivating. _Fucking attractive_.

Robbe swallowed before being able to talk. ‘’How can I help you?’’ His voice sounded hoarse, which, of course it did, when would Robbe ever _not_ embarrass himself?

The blonde smiled, pointing at the tap in between them. ‘’Just a beer, please.’’

As Robbe grabbed a clean glass and opened the tap to fill it with beer, he watched the blonde observing him, as if it was the first time he had ever seen someone pour him a beer. Robbe had no clue why he found it so intriguing, but he did know he didn’t mind at all. The blonde then suddenly looked up from the tap, locking eyes with Robbe, who now felt even more embarrassed. He never knew how to be smooth.

‘’Are you new here? I haven’t seen you around on campus before.’’ The blonde questioned, as he took the freshly filled beer from Robbe’s hand. Their fingers touched slightly, but enough to create a kind of electricity Robbe hadn’t felt before.

Robbe shook his head. ‘’No, I… I don’t live on campus. I’ve been going here for about two months.’’ The blonde frowned, obviously, as everyone who went to their college would usually live on campus. But Robbe didn’t. The entire deal he made with the mayor unfortunately didn’t include a complete student life. He gave him a place in the classrooms, but he didn’t give him one in the dorms. Simply because he said he didn’t have ‘’room’’ for him. Probably not for his problems either. Or for Robbe spreading facts about him. Now wouldn’t that be a shame.

‘’It’s a long story.’’ Robbe added as he saw how the blonde’s frown still hadn’t disappeared. He smiled slightly and nodded, taking a sip from his beer. Robbe appreciated how he didn’t go further into it. If he hated anything – next to the Driesens – it was people not being able to mind their own business, or people not being able to take hints.

‘’Hey, Robbe!’’ Speaking of people not being able to take hints, it was about time that Noor arrived. Ever since Robbe started working here, she had always tried to try and hit him up, and Robbe had always tried to kindly tell her no. But two months later, she was still trying. Robbe wasn’t sure whether he was being too nice, or whether Noor was being too oblivious. Not that he didn’t like her, she was great, actually. But she just wasn’t necessarily Robbe’s type.

She placed herself on a bar stool next to the blonde guy, practically pushing him aside to be face-to-face with Robbe. The blonde snorted, clearly noticing how much she wanted Robbe’s attention.

‘’What time is your shift done?’’ Robbe looked at the blonde who also looked back at him, not being sure about whatever he should say, praying he would somehow help him out.

‘’I- I’m not sure. I might have a break in a second.’’

‘’Will you come dance with me, then?’’

Robbe looked from Noor to the blonde and back. He had never been this uncomfortable in his life. Okay, maybe he had. It was Robbe’s life, after all. ‘’Eh… sure. I’ll see what I can do.’’

Noor nodded, giving him a bright smile, as she turned herself around and walked away to the dance floor yet again. Robbe rolled his eyes, letting out a loud and very much emotionally loaded sigh. He really had no clue how to get out of this.

The blonde snorted as he watched Noor walk away over his left shoulder. ‘’Damn. Your girlfriend is a possessive one.’’

Robbe shook his head. ‘’She’s not my girlfriend.’’

The blonde raised his eyebrows in surprise, apparently being quite shocked by this revelation, as he crossed his arms and turned around to find Noor in the crowd. ‘’Looks like she wants to be.’’ Robbe followed his gaze as he ended up finding her, amongst her friends, staring and giggling at Robbe like they were some high schoolers, some 16-year-old teenage girls. God, these were moments Robbe was glad he was gay.

‘’She’s not exactly my type.’’

The blonde turned back around, facing Robbe once again. He undid his crossed arms from one another and leaned forward this time, placing both arms on the bar, moving himself closer towards Robbe. The closer he got, the more birthmarks Robbe could count on his face. ‘’Then why don’t you tell her?’’

Robbe let out an exhale and raised both eyebrows. ‘’Trust me, I’ve tried. She’s either not able to take hints or my attempts just suck.’’

‘’Then maybe you must try a harder way.’’ The blonde shrugged his shoulders as he leaned back again, taking the last sip of his beer, making the glass completely empty. He put it next to Robbe’s hand, making them touch slightly again. _Electricity_.

‘’But I don’t want to hurt her.’’ Robbe’s voice sounded softer than before. He wasn’t sure the blonde was even able to hear him. But apparently he did.

‘’Robbe… the girl is into you. However you’ll say it, she’ll be hurt either way.’’

**

As the night passed, Robbe tried so hard, so many times, to be able to stay behind the bar and to not have to go on his break. He felt bad about wanting to avoid Noor so badly, he felt even worse for not just telling her the truth about his sexuality. But he really didn’t dare to. Not just because he’d most definitely hurt her, but also because he had no idea how the people here would react to it. Pretty much everyone here always had their opinions ready, as they were privileged enough to feel like they were always right, and Robbe wasn’t necessarily ready to be the next topic of discussion. And to be fair, Robbe really didn’t mind standing behind the bar and observing the blonde guy from afar. It might have been creepy, but Robbe quite literally wasn’t able to take his eyes off of him. He noticed how he had been dancing with another blonde girl the entire time. Robbe had seen her before, and he was quite sure she was one of the more popular ones. Somehow it bothered him how the blonde guy was dancing with her out of all people. The popular people were even worse than the just privileged ones. Because they weren’t just privileged, but also had the entire school following their backs. They could quite literally get away with everything without ever getting judged for it. And that’s something Robbe despised. So he just watched them. Observed them. Kind of concluding for himself that they were dating, or else why would they be dancing so close? And again, as much as he hated to see it, he wasn’t able to look away.

But _fuck_ , he really had to pee.

‘’I have to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.’’ His colleague nodded at him, giving him his permission to leave. In fact, he didn’t even need permission. The guy was probably glad he finally left, as he had been trying to stay in the exact same place for about three hours now. It was actually ridiculous. Robbe moved himself in between the crowd, getting completely sucked up into it, trying his best to find a way through it and be able to reach the bathrooms.

But just before he finally reached the end of the crowd, seeing a small opening at the side of the room, he felt a hand grabbing his wrist, making him turn around to face someone Robbe had been trying so _fucking_ hard to avoid.

It was a girl, dark-haired, piercings all over her face, one in her nose, one in her bottom lip, a tattoo in her neck, just coming up above the edge of her black top. Of course it was Noor. She pulled Robbe towards her, making their bodies collide. Robbe quickly took a step back, trying to immediately give her the hint that he wasn’t in the mood, hopefully also giving her the hint that he would never really be.

‘’Noor, I have to-‘’

‘’Oh, come on. Just one dance.’’ Noor still hadn’t let go of Robbe’s wrist. She moved her other hand up on his arm, all the way up to his shoulder. She wrapped it around his neck, moving him closer towards her, practically making him unable to move. How the fuck was he supposed to get himself out of this?

‘’Robbe!’’ The both of them turned around as a familiar voice called out his name. Robbe really had never been happier for anyone to want his attention. As he turned around, he could almost cry of happiness when he saw the blonde’s face coming closer to him. He wasn’t sure what his plan was, he barely even knew him, but somehow he was sure he was gonna get him out of this messed up situation.

Robbe quickly let go of Noor, moving her hand away from his neck as her grip finally loosened, taking a step back for the blonde to be able to stand with them. Robbe observed him looking at Noor with suspense, not being sure whatever he was about to do. _‘’Maybe you must try a harder way.’’_ He wasn’t gonna try to do that now, was he?

‘’You’re Noor, right?’’ The blonde questioned. Noor smiled and nodded, reaching out her hand towards him and shaking it politely. She really was such a nice girl, and a damn pretty one too, but Robbe couldn’t help that he just wasn’t into her. He also couldn’t help he sucked at giving her signs for it. Or well, maybe he could. He was just being an insecure and unthoughtful dick.

‘’I’m Sander.’’ Sander? Oh, fuck. He didn’t know a name could suit a person that well. Robbe just now realized how much he had been too captivated by the guy’s appearance that he forgot how much he actually craved to ask for his name. And now that he knew, he had somehow only gotten even more attractive. How does one even do that?

Sander looked at Robbe, first his left eye, then his right, as if he also realized Robbe just learned his name, as if he wanted to know how Robbe would react to it. Robbe wasn’t sure how he looked, he just hoped he wasn’t looking too smitten. Way to ruin his ego.

‘’I know.’’ Noor giggled, as her friends continuously tried to get her back into the group. But of course, she didn’t want to. Also, _‘’I know?’’_ What did she mean by that? Was Sander some kind of popular kid in school Robbe didn’t know about, or something? He knew he had a popular girlfriend, but that didn’t have to mean Sander was part of the gang too, right? Please say he wasn’t.

Noor turned around for a second, probably to tell her friends off for continuously trying to distract her or get her back to dance with them. Apparently, Sander saw this as an opportunity to finally tell Robbe why he walked up to them, a chance to finally enlighten him about whatever he had planned.

He scooched closer, placing one hand on the back of Robbe’s head, pulling him towards him, his mouth ending up next to his ear. Robbe’s heart immediately skipped a beat. Or two. Or three. Or maybe it completely stopped. Robbe didn’t know, as he completely lost control over his body the second he felt his hand touching him, his body practically pushed against his. What the fuck was he doing?

‘’Don’t move away. Just go with what I do.’’ He whispered, the words lingering in Robbe’s mind. His breath felt warm on his skin, almost as if he marked it right there and then. He was so taken away by it, that he almost didn’t quite process the words Sander had just said to him. Wait, _what?_

As Noor turned herself back around and tried to reach for Robbe again, Sander moved his mouth from Robbe’s ear to right in front of his face, locking their eyes with each other one more time. Before Robbe could do or say anything, their lips crashed against each other. Sander’s hand that was still on the back of Robbe’s head now moved into the strands of his hair, pulling them while also pushing him closer towards him. Robbe breathed into the kiss, carefully holding Sander’s waist, not being quite sure what was happening or what he should be doing. It felt like he was _drunk_ , about to faint and crash, about to completely dissolve into him. It was a feeling he had never felt before. A kiss he had never experienced before. It was absolutely _mind-blowing_. Robbe didn’t even know how to move. He completely, totally lost control over himself and the situation. He let Sander do everything, guide him the way he wanted to, simply because he couldn’t do anything himself.

‘’Wait, you’re _gay?’’_ Robbe felt Sander’s lips leaving his abruptly. It was as if the lights went back on, as if the music started to play again, as if the oxygen Robbe wasn’t able to take in now finally made its way back into his lungs. It felt like the entire world had been on pause and Sander’s lips pushed the play button as soon as his lips left his. But even though the world started turning again, Robbe himself wasn’t quite back to his senses just yet.

Sander, on the other hand, seemed to know exactly what he was doing. He was still holding Robbe’s face with his one hand, cupping his cheek, as the other left his face to be able to look at Noor.

‘’Oh, sorry. I didn’t think you would mind.’’ Sander looked back at Robbe, quite clearly trying to hold back a snort he wanted to let out so badly. He was obviously enjoying this, as his plan to give Noor a clear sign definitely worked. As reality started to kick back in for Robbe slowly but surely, he broke eye contact with Sander to find Noor’s eyes instead. Her mouth was completely dropped open, her skin so pale Robbe was afraid she was about to faint, almost as if she had seen a ghost. Fuck, as much as Robbe appreciated Sander helping him out, and as much as he had actually enjoyed that kiss more than he dared to admit, he felt incredibly bad seeing Noor staring at him like that.

She turned around without saying anything, giving Robbe one last look with an emotion he wasn’t able to place. But if Robbe knew anything about reading emotions, it was that he didn’t know anything about it at all. He sucked at it, so he had no clue what to do. Should he walk up to her and apologize? Or would that make her come back to him again? Or should he just walk away, from both Noor and Sander and pretend none of it ever happened?

Robbe was taken out of his thoughts as he suddenly felt a hand grabbing his. He looked at his fingers intertwining with others, as he looked up to see they were Sander’s.

‘’Come.’’ He pulled him with him away from the dance floor, taking them away from the crowd and closer to the exit of the club.

**

As they found their way outside (after Robbe had finally been able to go to the bathroom), Sander settled himself on one of the wooden benches right across the street. The streets were empty, dead quiet, almost as if they were the only ones in the world right now. It was a thought that made Robbe shiver. Not necessarily because it frightened him, but more because it excited him. After that kiss, after that feeling, he wouldn’t mind being alone with Sander at all.

Sander placed himself on the backrest of the bench, placing both feet on the seat. He grabbed a package of weed from the pocket of his dark blue jeans, rolling himself a joint in the quietness around them. Robbe didn’t really know what to say or do. They literally just had a make-out session in front of everyone, without even knowing the other. He was definitely thankful for helping him out, but it sure as hell made things awkward between them now. Or at least, to Robbe.

He put both hands in his pockets, carefully placing himself next to Sander on the backrest of the bench. He left a safe space in between them, as he wasn’t sure how the blonde felt about any of this. Or moreover, about him.

‘’Want some?’’ The quiet ended as Sander shifted closer towards him, handing him the joint. Robbe nodded with a slight smile, taking it over from his hand. His skin felt warm and soft as it moved against his, creating the same kind of electricity Robbe felt before. This time, it even gave him goosebumps.

Robbe moved the joint to his mouth, placing it in between his lips, taking a small drag from it. He blew out the smoke, feeling it settle in his lungs. It was a feeling Robbe loved, as it made him forget about the other shit in his head.

‘’I didn’t know privileged people smoked weed.’’ Robbe said, to which Sander snorted in reply, taking back the joint from Robbe’s hand, taking another drag himself.

‘’Good thing there aren’t any privileged people here right now.’’ It was a reply that made Robbe question lots of things. If Sander wasn’t privileged, then why did he attend this specific college? There were many more that you could join without needing certain connections. Usually, when you attended this one, it was because you or your family had certain rights and possessions that could get you in. Except for Robbe, of course. He was an exceptional case.

But he decided to not get into it any further. It was fair enough, as Sander also minded his own business earlier on tonight. It was the most respectful thing to do, even more so after Sander had helped him out big time. Robbe was quickly reminded of their kiss on the dance floor, as he gathered all the guts he had in his body to ask Sander why he did what he did. It wasn’t like it was the only possible solution.

‘’Didn’t your girlfriend mind?’’

‘’Hm?’’

‘’Your girlfriend. The blonde one? Didn’t she mind when we… you know?’’

Sander laughed, placing the joint between his lips again, taking a drag and blowing out the smoke in front of them. He shook his head. ‘’She’s not my girlfriend.’’

Oh. So apparently Sander just liked dancing very close with random girls he didn’t even know. Or maybe he did. Or maybe Robbe was just jumping to conclusions and overreacting, as always. He barely even knew the guy, but he had already decided he was dating her without ever asking him. Maybe this was why he had never had a boyfriend before.

‘’She used to be. But now we’re just very close friends.’’ Ah. So Sander wasn’t into guys? But did that mean he just kissed him to get Noor off of his chest, instead of meaning even the slightest bit of it? Fuck, there he went again with jumping to conclusions.

‘’That doesn’t happen very often.’’ Robbe added, not wanting to ask directly for an explanation of their kiss, also not wanting to sound too desperate, either.

‘’I guess it also doesn’t happen that often that your boyfriend happens to be into guys.’’ Oh, fuck.

‘’She figured it wasn’t my fault I wasn’t into her anymore. Apparently she forgave me within a day, since I couldn’t change much about the entire situation. Now we’re just buddies.’’ It made sense. Robbe also needed to date a girl to find out that wasn’t it for him. That girls weren’t it for him. But now that Sander quite literally outed himself towards Robbe, he couldn’t help but feel like that kiss wasn’t just making Robbe feel things. He had never kissed someone like _that_ before.

‘’So… about that kiss?’’ Robbe sounded more insecure and desperate than he thought he would.

Sander smiled brightly, showing off how proud he was of the way his ‘’masterplan’’ had worked. Or maybe it was because it was so obvious Robbe had fallen for him _hard_ in the process. ‘’It worked well, right? She immediately took a step back.’’

Robbe nodded, staying quiet for a while, not sure whether the next thing he wanted to say was the smartest thing to say. But _fuck it_. ‘’She must think I’m taken now.’’

Sander looked up at him, making their eyes meet. He observed them from left to right again, finally leaving his eyes lingering on Robbe’s lips. He licked his own slowly, then moved his eyes back up, softly saying: ‘’Do you mind if she does?’’

‘’No.’’ Robbe swallowed. He had never been so determined about anything in his life.

They kept staring at each other, the quietness returning. The tension between them was inevitable. They kept looking at each other’s lips, back to each other’s eyes. They made their knees touch, pushing each other from left to right slightly. It was like they were silently fighting and challenging each other about who would take the first step.

‘’Then let’s make her believe you are.’’ Sander finally added. It was almost like a whisper, as if it was a wish he wanted so badly to come true. And Robbe definitely agreed. He didn’t even know the guy, yet, he had never been so sure about wanting to get to know someone as much as Sander ever before. He had never met someone so intriguing, mysterious, and mostly so incredibly attractive. And for once in his life, Robbe could swear that he was finally getting the same want in return.

‘’As in… fake dating?’’

‘’Well… I don’t necessarily want it to be fake. I knew I wanted to kiss you as soon as you told me Noor wasn’t exactly your type. That was enough for me to know what _is_ your type.’’ Wait, was he actually just admitting he wanted to date him after barely knowing him for a few hours?

‘’So, what does that mean?’’ Robbe actually didn’t know.

‘’It means that I’ve known about you since you entered the college, and that I would like to get to know you better.’’ What? Was Sander actually saying that, during the past two months that Robbe had been getting used to this shitty college, he had been aware of his presence all this time? It was a fact Robbe didn’t really know how to process. He had never been noticed by anyone ever before. Well, except for Noor. But that was a different case.

Robbe swallowed, again. The surprise pumping through his body, his heart skipping beats continuously. ‘’You _have?’’_

‘’Yes. And I’ve been intrigued by you ever since.’’ Sander took another drag from his joint, turning around to face Robbe in the process. Their knees touched again, not letting each other go this time. He blew out the smoke into Robbe’s face, gradually and carefully, just enough to make Robbe’s heart beat faster. It looked incredibly hot.

The more smoke Sander blew out, the closer he moved towards him. There was barely any space left for Robbe to be able to breathe.

‘’So would you like to get to know me better, too?’’ Sander’s lips were just inches away from his. If Robbe hadn’t been able to contain himself, he would’ve probably jumped him right now. He studied them, the pink color, the slightly puffy shape and structure, the imprint of Robbe’s lips probably still lingering on them. God, it made him want to kiss them again so _fucking_ badly.

‘’Yes.’’ Robbe let it out almost inaudible, being way too taken away by the sight of the guy in front of him and the feeling that came with it. Sander smiled contently, as if he knew the influence he had on him, moving another inch closer, making his nose brush against Robbe’s slightly.

‘’Good.’’ Robbe’s lips parted as he studied Sander’s, ready to feel them against his again, ready to let himself be taken away by the touch and feeling he had been wanting to experience over and over again ever since Sander kissed him on the dance floor. It was crazy how addictive he was. The joint was barely even working by now.

But then Sander moved back. Suddenly, leaving Robbe completely startled. The blonde grinned, almost as if he was proud that Robbe was so blown away by him. Fuck, why did he have to be _this_ captivating and this _fucking_ confident?

Sander moved his hand into his right pocket, taking out a small piece of paper. He grabbed Robbe’s t-shirt, making him move closer towards him. Robbe just let himself be guided, having no clue how to regain control over his body as soon as he felt Sander’s touch on his skin. He stopped pulling him closer as Robbe’s face almost touched his.

His index finger slid underneath the edge of the chest pocket on Robbe’s t-shirt, putting the small piece of paper into it slowly and carefully, never breaking eye contact with the brunet. Robbe swallowed, as Sander let his hand rest on Robbe’s chest, even after putting the paper in its place. His hand was right above his heart, so he must have been very much aware of the way Robbe’s heart was beating incredibly fast right now.

And he did. Because he smiled.

‘’What’s that?’’ Robbe’s hoarse voice questioned, as he kept staring into Sander’s eyes.

‘’I don’t know. Use it and you might find out.’’ Fuck, he even was a tease, too? How was he literally good at everything? Or was Robbe just way too weak for him? He swallowed and nodded carefully, as Sander moved backwards again and finally took his hand off of Robbe’s chest. He stood up from the bench, handing what was left of the joint to Robbe.

‘’See you around, Ijzermans.’’ He winked at him with a wicked grin, turning around and leaving him on his own afterwards, walking back to the club. Robbe shivered. The way he said and knew his last name indeed said a lot about how much Sander had actually observed him all this time. The place where Sander’s hand had been resting felt warm, as if he had marked it. The fact it was right above his heart made that even more wild.

Because, _fuck_ , he had marked his heart big time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! comments are always appreciated, please let me know what you thought of it! <3


	3. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robbe finds out what's on the piece of paper Sander gave him. He feels like things are going too fast, but as soon as he's with Sander again, his thoughts and doubts disappear completely. Reality kicks back in for the two boys as Robbe meets someone quite unexpectedly.

‘’What’s that?’’ Robbe’s classmate Jens nudged his shoulder as he saw Robbe playing with the piece of paper Sander had given him, not ever opening it.

Jens was one of the few people in this college Robbe actually liked hanging out with. He wasn’t as privileged and rich as everyone else around here- he had just gotten a scholarship because he was cognitively gifted enough, something most other people in this place weren’t able to say. You wouldn’t say that right away when you met him, though, but Jens was quite the smart-ass. A smart-ass that liked to joke around, one who didn’t necessarily like to show off his capabilities but just liked going with the flow. To Robbe, that sounded way more fair than paying your way in or having the right connections to reserve yourself a spot.

‘’It’s… I got this from a guy I met two nights ago.’’ Jens immediately dropped his pencil on his desk, looking at Robbe with complete astonishment. Robbe had to admit he loved how Jens didn’t make a big deal out of him liking guys. He had never even really mentioned it specifically, but Jens just accepted it anyway. It was one of the other things Robbe appreciated about him.

‘’You _what?_ And you haven’t used it yet?’’ Robbe shook his head from left to right as he moved the piece of paper back into his pocket, biting his lower lip with a feeling of shame in his gut. Jens surprise was valid, as it actually didn’t make any sense.

As the school bell rang and the two guys stood up, Jens tapped Robbe on his shoulder and said: ‘’Dude, you need to get a grip. The guy gave it to you for a reason. So do something with it.’’ And he had a fair point.

It was quite ridiculous, really, because Robbe had been carrying what he thought was Sander’s phone number with him for two days straight without ever using it. Not because he didn’t want to, but frankly, because he didn’t dare to. The night he met Sander had been absolutely magical, almost as if it had been a dream, a reality that had actually not been real. Somehow, going further with this, getting more into this, felt like Robbe would ruin whatever they had built that night. Not because of Sander, but because of Robbe himself. When did anything ever go right for him in his life? It literally had been a sequence of bad events, the one being worse than the other. The night he met Sander was one of the first nights in years where he had felt alive. He barely even remembered what that felt like anymore. And what if, when Sander found out about Robbe’s past and his present, he’d think the same of him as literally everybody else? It made Robbe anxious, so much that he pretty much didn’t dare to go for what he wanted. Because he had never been more sure of what he wanted. He wanted Sander. All of him. As soon as possible.

 _Fuck_ , why was he even still doubting himself? Was it actually that hard to believe that for once, his life would actually take a good turn? That in the series of bad events, Sander was gonna be the first good one, turning Robbe’s life around completely in the best way possible? Well yes, that actually was quite hard to believe, reminding himself of all the shit he went through, but it was still something he wanted to try to believe.

So fuck it.

He walked out into the school hallway and grabbed the piece of paper out of his pocket, his phone out of the other, dialing the number that was written on it. His hands were shaking, _that’s_ how scared he was, but for once, Robbe didn’t let himself hold back. It had to be now or never, and the guy had literally given him the biggest sign he wanted him. So why not use it?

Robbe swallowed as he heard the most recognizable voice at the other end of the line. ‘’Hello?’’

‘’H- hi. It’s me.’’ Oh my _god_ , he actually sounded like a basket case. Sander must’ve probably thought he was so embarrassing.

‘’Ah, Mr. Ijzermans. It took you some time. Did you forget how to use a phone? Or wait, did you accidentally loose the piece of paper I gave you?’’ Robbe’s entire body shivered when Sander called him out by his last name. He had never really liked it, until he was the one saying it. That’s the amount of power he had over him.

Robbe groaned from his jokes, secretly enjoying them a bit _too_ much. Not just because he liked them, but also because it showed how much Sander had been thinking about when he’d call him. He’d never just think of a comeback like that on the spot, would he? ‘’Shut up. It… just took me some time to collect the guts to actually call you.’’

It stayed silent for a bit. Robbe really wished he was able to see Sander’s face right now. He just hoped Sander didn’t mind self-conscious people, because if he did, Robbe really wasn’t the right guy for him. It was basically his mood 24/7 these days.

Luckily for Robbe, Sander let out the longest ‘’aw’’, so played that he could practically see him doing a pouty face along with it. ‘’Don’t go soft on me now, Robin.’’

‘’You were the one not telling me what would happen if I dialed the number. If you just would’ve said it was yours right away, I’d probably have called you the same night.’’

‘’Hm. So that’s how badly you want to see to me, is it?’’ Robbe stayed silent for a bit, making Sander wait for the answer he probably wanted to hear very badly, but also gathering the guts to admit he did at the same time.

‘’Maybe.’’

‘’I want to see you, too.’’ Sander said it with the softest voice, so soft, that Robbe was afraid he would melt into the ground. It was like Robbe was falling for him more and more with every sentence that left his lips.

‘’When?’’

‘’Right now.’’

Robbe’s mouth dropped open, not being sure what to do or answer. ‘’ _Now?’’_

‘’Yes, now. Meet me at the art studios in the west wing. I have to finish something for my class first, but I wouldn’t mind you picking me up.’’

Robbe raised his eyebrows out of surprise. ‘’I’d be picking you up?’’

‘’Yes, Robin, you would be.’’ Fuck, he loved it when Sander called him Robin more than he dared to admit. His mom called him by that name all the time, and he used to think it was so terribly annoying. But here we went again: when the word left Sander’s mouth, it could only sound magical and very, _very_ right.

‘’To go where?’’

‘’Calm down, Ijzermans. Patience is a wonderful thing. You’ll find out when you get here.’’

Robbe groaned, definitely not thinking of patience as a wonderful thing. Or at least, not when it came to Sander. ‘’Alright.’’

He could hear Sander laugh out loud at the other end of the line, clearly enjoying the influence had had on Robbe once again. And Robbe didn’t even mind. He could listen to that laugh for hours. It was the most miraculous thing he had ever heard.

‘’Can’t wait to see you, Bartender.’’

And then he hung up.

**

As Robbe entered the west wing of the college building, he had quite a hard time finding the place he needed to be. Sander had texted him the exact location after he had hung up, saying he had to come to classroom B21, but Robbe still didn’t have a clue where to search. The only wing he ever had to go to for his classes was the north wing, which is probably also the reason why he had never seen Sander before that night at the bar. Though, that made it even more of a mystery to Robbe how Sander had ever seen him before in the first place.

As Robbe walked up the first stairs he saw, apparently entering hallway B, he exhaled in relief when he had finally figured out where he had to go. Apparently the letters stood for the floor, and the numbers for the classroom. It actually kind of made sense. But that didn’t make Robbe hate this fucked up school any less.

When he opened the door, the sign saying B21, he could see the posture of a bleached blonde guy in the right back corner of the classroom, seemingly quite busy organizing what looked like a ton of paintings he had made himself to pass his art class. He was wearing the same outfit as the night they met, but somehow, he looked even more attractive today. And that said something, since he was only able to see his back right now. It did kind of surprise him he wasn’t wearing his uniform, but he supposed that was just because class has ended hours ago. Robbe looked around a little bit as he slowly walked up to him, not wanting to make too much noise, kind of wanting to surprise him with his presence.

As he finally reached him, he hid himself behind the blonde’s back, suddenly realizing how much taller he was. He stood on his tiptoes, trying to reach Sander’s ear.

‘’Boo.’’

Sander basically dropped everything he was holding, jumping away from Robbe in an instant. He was quite sure he heard him scream a little bit- something he’d never expected to hear from a guy like Sander. Or more like, a guy with an ego and representation like Sander. Not that he knew him that well, but that’s just the vibe he gave him.

Robbe laughed out loud as he saw Sander blush, his cheeks turning bright red. It really was the most adorable thing Robbe had ever seen.

‘’Aw, don’t go soft on me now, painter kid.’’ Robbe was enjoying this way too much, _so_ much that he was now even using Sander’s own lines against him. He suddenly realized he didn’t know Sander well enough to know where his boundaries lied, so sudden anxiety crippled into his body when Sander didn’t say much back and just continued grabbing his stuff together.

‘’Hey, I’m sorry.’’ Robbe put his hand on Sander’s back, trying to make him face him, but he didn’t. Except, he just continued minding his own business.

‘’Sander? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset.’’ Fuck. He really knew how to make a fool out of himself. He literally upset the guy he was so into on the second day he ever talked to him. That was probably a new world record.

But then Sander suddenly turned around, studying Robbe’s face, the widest grin appearing on his own. He bit his lower lip, trying to hide a huge smile that was trying to find its way onto his face.

‘’Got ya.’’ He said, dropping his stuff again, immediately grabbing Robbe by his waist as he tried to walk away. ‘’You _fucking_ -‘’ Robbe started, trying to release himself from Sander’s grip. The two boys laughed out loud, their laughs intertwining in an echo throughout the quietness the rest of the room was filled with.

‘’Fucking what? _Painter kid?’’_ Robbe scoffed, not believing how entertainingly annoying Sander could be. Of course he would use Robbe’s own line against him after Robbe had done the same to him. He shouldn’t even be surprised at this point.

Sander was still tickling him, Robbe still continuously begging him to stop. It was quite clear how much Sander was enjoying this. And to be fair, Robbe was, too. As Sander finally stopped, the two boys both completely out of breath, he didn’t make his arms leave Robbe’s waist for a second. And Robbe didn’t mind at all.

‘’I’m glad you came.’’ Sander sighed, still trying to catch his breath, studying Robbe’s face with the biggest smile he’d ever seen.

‘’Me too.’’ Robbe replied, the same big smile covering his face. His gaze left Sander’s eyes as he moved himself in his grip, studying all the paintings that were surrounding them.

‘’You _made_ all of these?’’ Sander’s hands left Robbe’s waist as the brunet started walking away from him and closer towards the paintings, his fingers tracing a path over the paint of one of them. It was a painting of a woman holding two babies, both wrapped in a blanket that pretty much covered both of their faces. Sander shuffled closer to him slowly, putting both of his hands in his pockets, observing how Robbe’s fingers traced the woman on the painting.

He didn’t say anything, but just nodded. The way Robbe was observing the painting with such concentration made him forget to reply. He didn’t even remember how to speak. That’s how intriguing he was.

‘’What’s this one about?’’ Robbe questioned, as his fingers were now done observing the woman and moving over to trace the lines of one of the two babies instead.

‘’It’s… my mom.’’ Sander startled. Robbe looked up in surprise, studying how Sander was looking at his own painting, seeing his eyes filling with emotion. He wasn’t sure whether he should continue to question him, even though he was incredibly curious to find out more about him, but the emotion in his eyes quite clearly screamed how personal this painting was to him. Maybe a bit _too_ personal to tell someone about, to tell Robbe about. Especially when you’ve only known that someone for barely two days.

But Robbe didn’t even have to ask. Sander continued anyway, something that gave Robbe a feeling of warmth, a feeling of trust. ‘’And that’s my sister.’’

‘’You have a sister?’’ Sander nodded.

‘’Yes. But I don’t know her.’’

‘’What? How is that possible?’’ Robbe caught himself questioning Sander a bit too much, even though he didn’t want and dare to a few seconds ago. But not knowing your own sister? It was something that shocked him, which said something, knowing how much shit Robbe had been through himself.

Sander shrugged. ‘’I don’t know. All I know is that my mom used to take care of us both, as my dad was always too busy minding his own damn business. She basically raised us on her own. But then something happened. I was too young to remember now, but… my dad wanted her to leave. So she did. My dad always ruins everything for everyone.’’

Robbe studied his face as he told him his story, being intrigued by both the way the words left his mouth as well as the way he trusted Robbe enough to tell him about this in the first place. It meant the entire world to him, knowing he had only known him for a few days. It made him feel wanted and appreciated, and he really wanted to return those feelings to him as much as possible.

‘’Is that why you only painted your mom?’’ Sander nodded again.

‘’Yeah. My dad doesn’t even deserve the effort. Let alone the paint.’’ He scoffed, kicking against a paint bottle with his left foot.

‘’I’m sorry your dad is such a dick. If it makes you feel any better, mine is, too.’’ Robbe added, hoping his shitty life would make him feel at least a little better. Not that he wanted the pity, but he just wanted Sander to know he wasn’t alone. The blonde looked up from the ground to lock his eyes with Robbe’s, apparently being intrigued by this revelation.

‘’How come?’’

‘’He left my mom and I when I was twelve. My… my mom was diagnosed with a mental illness back then. He said she wasn’t the same person as he knew before, so he decided to leave. He said he couldn’t handle it.’’

‘’Fuck.’’

‘’Yeah. I stayed with her, though. My dad was an asshole, he had no idea what he was talking about. She’s still the same person. If not better.’’

Sander smiled softly, his eyes twinkling. ‘’Sounds like you’re a great son.’’

‘’Sounds like you are, too.’’ They both smiled at each other, just taking the other in, secretly enjoying the silence and each other’s presence. Robbe couldn’t believe they were even more alike than he expected. He also couldn’t believe how chill they felt around each other. Or at least, that’s what he felt around him. He had never told anyone about his dad, let alone his mom’s illness, yet, with Sander things just… happened. And he didn’t even judge him for it.

With the blink of an eye, Sander suddenly scooched over to him, putting both hands on his waist, pressing his lips softly against his.

Robbe wasn’t sure why it was happening, but he most definitely enjoyed it. In fact, he never wanted Sander to let go ever again. He had been too afraid to kiss him all this time, thinking it would’ve been way too fast, thinking Sander probably wanted to take things slow, but here he was, proving him wrong once again.

It was the softest kiss, as Sander’s lips lingered on his without moving, just taking the other in completely. He moved his right hand to Robbe’s cheek, cupping it while his lips still stayed in the same position. He breathed in slowly yet heavily, as if Robbe was taking away all of his bad thoughts and feelings all at once. Robbe’s hands were still left next to his body, as he let Sander take the lead, not being sure whether he wanted him to kiss him back.

Sander’s lips slowly left his, as he brushed his nose against his before stepping back a little.

‘’What was that for?’’ Robbe shyly questioned, his voice being extremely soft, as if Sander had taken it away from him and he needed to kiss him again to get it back.

Sander chuckled. ‘’Noor walked by. She saw you standing here, so I kissed you. You wanted her to think we’re together, right?’’

‘’Wait, Noor is an art major, too?’’ Robbe asked, to which Sander nodded. Suddenly it made sense why Noor said _‘’I know’’_ at that party. It wasn’t because Sander was some popular kid everyone just knew, it was just because they were in the same art class. They probably just never talked to each other before, since the classes were so big.

‘’Oh.’’ Robbe bit his lower lip, not being sure what else to say. As Sander was putting on his leather jacket, Robbe’s mind kept going back to that one question: was that the only reason you kissed me? He wasn’t the only one feeling like this, was he? This wasn’t just all some game to him, some play-pretend to make Noor believe they were an actual thing, while in the end, they weren’t? Was Robbe being way too oblivious, the same way he had always thought Noor was with him?

Apparently, his crazy going thoughts had stood out to Sander, as he walked up closer to him again.

‘’Hey, what’s wrong?’’ Robbe locked eyes with him and immediately felt himself getting weak. He was never able to lie to or hide his thoughts from this guy. He couldn’t even if he tried.

‘’So you kissed me just because Noor walked by?’’

‘’Yes. And maybe just because I wanted to.’’

‘’You did?’’ Robbe’s voice sounded hopeful, _way_ too hopeful. So much, that Sander noticed and immediately gave him a bright smile. He brushed his nose against his, giving him another quick peck on the lips.

‘’I did. Now come.’’ He then grabbed his hand, intertwining his fingers with his own, pulling Robbe with him to the exit of the classroom.

‘’Where are we going?’’

‘’Patience, Robin, patience.’’

**

The bike-ride to whichever place Sander was taking Robbe had been one of the most wholesome things Robbe had ever experienced in his life. Sander had offered him a place on the luggage rack on the back of his bike, telling him to sit down and to just wrap his arms around his waist when he felt like falling off. It was an invitation Robbe wouldn’t ever want to reject. So it’s what he did. He had no clue wherever they were going, yet Robbe felt as safe as he had ever felt as soon as he wrapped both arms around Sander’s waist. It took him a while to gather the guts to do whatever he was about to do next, but the entire situation actually made him feel that carefree, that it only took him a few seconds to just do it anyway. So next to wrapping both arms around his waist, he also put down his head on Sander’s back, resting it down and enjoying the peace of the moment as much as he could. At first, he wasn’t sure Sander liked it, but that changed quickly as he felt Sander’s right hand covering his only a few seconds after he let his head rest on his back. It was one of the most wonderful things Robbe had ever done.

He was taken completely out of the moment when Sander suddenly slowed down his pace, making the bike come to a stop. He brushed his hand against Robbe’s a few more times, enjoying the feeling a few more seconds. So did Robbe. Once he took his hand off, Robbe looked up from his back, looking around to see wherever they were standing.

Right next to them stood one of the biggest houses Robbe had ever seen.

‘’Wait, you’re taking me to your _house?’’_ Robbe stepped off of the back of Sander’s bike, releasing himself from the grip he was holding himself in. As Sander parked it in front of what was apparently his house, Robbe stepped back to be able to take it in completely – _that’s_ how big it was. Robbe knew the people who attended their college were privileged, he knew they had to have lots of money to be able to get their kids in, but somehow he expected Sander to be different. Especially since he called himself non-privileged a few nights ago.

Although, he did also mention his dad was a dick, so if his dad happened to be the one earning the money, it actually made a lot of sense why Sander called himself non-privileged. He probably didn’t even want to be, in order to not be associated with his dad. It was something Robbe was able to relate to on a whole new level.

‘’Don’t act so surprised, Robin.’’ Sander said, as he walked back up to him, his bike settled next to the front door. But Robbe was surprised. Not just because Sander’s parents had a lot of money and he somehow thought Sander was different (even though that was quite dumb, considering the circumstances), but also because Sander was literally taking him home to probably even meet his parents on the second day they ever talked to each other. Robbe’s thought about Sander wanting to take things slow really had been so wrong.

‘’But… won’t your parents be home?’’ It was a wish more than it was a question. Robbe was far from ready to meet Sander’s wealthy parents. Next to that, he didn’t even know how he should introduce himself. Hi, I’m Robbe, your son’s… friend? Boyfriend? Friend he’s fake dating, but also kind of not? Friend he met in the club on campus and made out with the same night? It’s complicated? He really had no clue.

‘’Probably not. My dad is barely ever home and my mom should be working. And even if they were, would that be a problem?’’

Fuck, Robbe hadn’t even realized that it could’ve come off as if he didn’t want to meet his parents at all. Way to go, Ijzermans.

‘’No, no. It wouldn’t be. I just… I just wondered how I should introduce myself.’’

Sander shrugged both shoulders, apparently seeing no reason to overthink. ‘’Just, as yourself.’’

‘’I know… but like…’’ Robbe shuffled on his feet, moving his one hand through his hair, his insecure side showing yet again. ‘’As _what?’’_

Sander lifted his head backwards, his mouth dropping open slightly. It was like realization suddenly hit him and the things Robbe said started to make sense. ‘’Ah.’’

He walked up even closer to Robbe, wrapping both arms around his waist. This was the first time Robbe reacted to the gesture by putting both arms around his neck. Even though it somehow still felt too soon, it definitely also felt very right. Sander smiled from the gesture, enjoying the way Robbe’s arms felt around his neck. Literally perfect. He bit his lower lip, studying Robbe’s in the meantime.

‘’Well, that depends. How you do want me to introduce you, Bartender?’’

Robbe smiled shyly, his cheeks turning red. Somehow his legs got weak from Sander calling him ‘’Bartender’’. Again, one of those things Robbe would usually despise, but when Sander said it, he’d suddenly adore it.

‘’I- I don’t know.’’ He stammered. He really didn’t. He knew what he wanted him to be introduced as, but he sure as hell wasn’t gonna admit that to Sander. He wasn’t even sure what all of this meant to him. If it was as serious as Robbe wanted it to be.

‘’Just… introduce yourself as Robbe, and we’ll see what happens from there, okay?’’ Ouch. So Sander didn’t know, either. It wasn’t like Robbe could blame him, they had only really known each other for two days. Except, Sander on the other hand, had said he’d known Robbe for months. So wasn’t he sure of what he wanted him to be by now? Apparently not. Or Sander wasn’t quite as confident as Robbe thought he was, which meant that maybe, just maybe, Sander knew what he wanted, just like Robbe, but didn’t dare to admit it, either.

Sander let go of Robbe’s waist, moving his hands to grab Robbe’s from behind his neck, intertwining the fingers of his right hand with Robbe’s left.

‘’Come.’’

Sander pulled him with him to the front door, opening it with his free hand, revealing the inside of his house to Robbe as soon as the door fell completely open. He stepped inside, taking Robbe with him by the hand he was still holding, as he threw the door shut behind them.

The inside of Sander’s house was… bare. The walls were plain white, the floor tiles were too- except, darker lines of marble covered them to create some kind of contrast with the walls. And when Robbe said bare, he actually meant completely empty. There were absolutely no objects filling the hallway. No photo frames showing Sander’s family, no carpets creating some kind of warm vibe – it was _that_ empty, that ever word you said was immediately changed into an echo.

‘’Doesn’t really give much of a homey vibe, does it?’’ Sander scoffed, throwing his shoes and jacket off, clearly not caring about the neat environment his parents obviously _did_ care about.

Robbe shook his head. He didn’t want to be rude, but Sander kind of intended to get this reply. And it wasn’t as if he didn’t agree with him. ‘’I know. This place has about as much soul as my dad. Practically nothing.’’ Sander continued, pulling Robbe onto the stairs by their still intertwined hands.

‘’Then why do you live here? If you don’t like it.’’

‘’I don’t. I live on campus together with my best friend, Senne.’’ He lived on campus? Then why did he take him here instead? Was it because he actually really wanted him to meet his parents? Or just because he didn’t want him and Senne to meet? None of it made sense to Robbe, anyway.

‘’Then why did you take me here and not there? Not that I don’t like it, but-‘’

‘’You’re so curious, aren’t you?’’ Sander interrupted him, which was to Robbe’s relief. He was stammering in way that was incredibly embarrassing. ‘’Don’t worry. It’s cute. And mostly my own fault. If you look at it like that, it indeed doesn’t make any sense to take you here. It’s just that I’ve got something I want to show you that I only have here.’’

Sander opened the door to, which he guessed, was his bedroom. For some reason the fact that he was taking him to his bedroom made Robbe’s heart beat faster. Not that he didn’t trust Sander, but he just didn’t know what he was planning. And maybe he was also kind of curious of what it would look like.

The room was almost completely empty. The walls were just as plain white as the hallway, but instead of marble floor tiles, the floor was covered with wooden boards instead. The boards creaked as the two boys walked their way inside. There was a bed standing in the right corner of the room, the rest of the place was filled up with paintings, one of them unfinished on an easel, the rest spread all across the room.

‘’You made even more paintings?’’ Robbe questioned, as he let go of Sander’s hand, walking past every single one of them to take them in completely. Nobody had ever surprised him as much as Sander did. His talent was exceptional, so much that Robbe wondered why he was even an art student in the first place. He couldn’t believe there was more that Sander could still learn. It looked as if he had already mastered the skill completely, as if there was nothing he couldn’t do.

Sander shrugged as he observed Robbe taking in every single one of his paintings, feeling a rush of excitement entering his body. Nobody had ever cared about his paintings as much as Robbe did before.

‘’Yeah. Except, these are more personal. I didn’t make them for school projects, but just because I felt like making them.’’

‘’Why do you have them here? And not in your dorm?’’

‘’Because I don’t like to paint when I’m surrounded by people. Senne is great, trust me. But I just don’t like being interrupted. It’s almost like… writing a diary, but then with paint and brushes. I’m not very good with words, so.’’

Robbe looked up at Sander, watching his face being slightly insecure, as if he was scared for what Robbe’s reaction would be. He wondered why he even doubted it in the first place. How could someone ever _not_ be into his art?

‘’They’re absolutely beautiful.’’ A smile appeared on Sander’s face, as he locked eyes with Robbe. He put both hands in the pockets of his dark blue jeans and just stood there, his cheeks turning bright red.

As Robbe continued observing the paintings, his eyes fell on one that was being covered by a beige blanket, hiding whatever was underneath. Once again, Robbe’s curious side took a turn on him. ‘’What’s this one?’’

Sander put one hand on the back of his head, stammering: ‘’It’s… the reason I wanted to take you here.’’

‘’Can I see it?’’ Robbe smiled from the anticipation, never having been more curious about anything in his life. Sander laughed, clearly being aware of Robbe’s present curiosity, nodding to give him his permission.

‘’If you promise not to laugh.’’ He added quickly.

Robbe frowned, not being sure where Sander got the idea that he would ever laugh about any of his paintings. He was quite sure it had been obvious how intrigued and astonished Robbe was by them. ‘’Why would I laugh?’’ It was a statement more than it was a question.

Sander shrugged. ‘’I don’t know. Open it, and we’ll see.’’

So that’s what Robbe did. He took off the blanket carefully, yet as quickly as he possibly could. Under the blanket revealed itself a painting of a boy sitting on the grass, reading a book Robbe knew very well, ‘ _’A Tree Grows In Brooklyn’_ , the one he loved to read, as it was about appreciating the small and quiet things in life. The boy was sitting in the dark, except the moonlight that was shining down on him lit him up just enough for him to be able to be seen by others.

Robbe had never seen such a beautiful painting. Robbe had never seen someone paint _him_. ‘’You painted _me?’’_

Sander walked up to him slowly, his hand never leaving the back of his head. ‘’Fuck, please tell me you don’t hate it.’’

Robbe stayed quiet for a while, just taking the beauty of the painting in. ‘’I… I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life.’’

‘’That’s the same thought I had when I saw you first.’’ Robbe looked up to now see Sander standing right next to him. His words had come out like a whisper, but a very determined one. It gave Robbe goosebumps all over his body. ‘’I saw you standing there, in the moonlight, and I just knew you were the one.’’ Fuck. So Sander quite clearly knew what he wanted.

‘’Sander?’’

‘’Hm?’’

‘’What is this thing, between us?’’ It was almost as if Robbe was begging him for an answer. He needed to hear Sander say it. He needed the words to come out of his mouth, as if he wouldn’t believe him if he didn’t. Because Robbe simply couldn’t believe someone would ever want him. Especially someone like Sander.

The blonde walked up to him even closer, practically filling up the entire space that was still left between them. ‘’What do you want it to be?’’ Robbe could even feel his warm breath colliding with his skin.

He swallowed. ‘’ _More_.’’

‘’How much more?’’ Sander’s voice sounded hoarse. He brushed his nose against his lightly, as if he was afraid that touching him more would break him.

Robbe blinked with his eyes as realization suddenly hit him. He took a step back, creating more space between them again, finally being able to breathe. ‘’I- but isn’t this going too fast? We’ve known each other for barely two days.’’

‘’Actually, I’ve known you for two months.’’

Robbe whined, needing Sander to be understanding right now. Which he probably was, but it was just his way of lightning up the mood. ‘’Sander…’’

‘’Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry. I know what you mean.’’ The blonde added, realizing that Robbe needed him to say something different right now. Realizing Robbe needed reassurance. Realizing Robbe needed to hear him say that whatever was happening between them was right.

He took a step forward yet again, closing the space between them just like before, this time grabbing Robbe’s hand and intertwining his fingers with his own.

‘’But Robbe, you can’t control who you fall for and when you fall for them. I knew I wanted to be with you the second I laid my eyes on you. Some would say that’s fast, I would say it’s… faith.’’

Robbe scoffed slightly. ‘’I thought you said you weren’t any good with words.’’

A grin appeared on Sander’s face, his thumb caressing the top of Robbe’s hand. ‘’Apparently that changes when I’m around you.’’

Robbe didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think. All he knew is that he felt alive, that his heart had never been beating this fast as it was right now. He knew that he wanted to kiss him, hold him, and never let him go ever again. He wanted to be consumed by him, and forget about everything else in the world.

Sander put his free hand on Robbe’s cheek, rubbing his thumb over his skin. ‘’Robbe… I like you. A whole _damn_ lot. And I know it’s been such a short period for you, but… why wouldn’t you just go for it if it feels right?’’

Robbe nodded, looking down at both of their feet. He looked up slightly as he felt Sander putting his forehead against his. ‘’Does it feel right?’’ His whisper sounded like a wish.

‘’Yes. More than anything ever has.’’ Robbe whispered back, putting his nose against Sander’s.

‘’Then what’s stopping you?’’

He was right. What was stopping him? What was stopping _them?_ Why did Robbe care so much about things going too fast if things felt right? Why didn’t he just let himself be happy for once, not giving a damn about his own crazy going thoughts and just giving in to his feelings? Why didn’t he accept life suddenly taking a good turn after all the bad ones in his past? It might have been hard to believe, but Sander was _right-_ because for once, things did feel _right._

He made him feel things Robbe didn’t believe in feeling anymore.

And that’s when he knew.

Robbe put both hands on the sides of Sander’s face, grabbing it and pressing his lips against his. Sander breathed into the kiss, wrapping both arms around Robbe’s waist, lifting him up slightly in the process. He moved one hand to the back of Robbe’s head, caressing it with his fingertips. Robbe opened his mouth slightly for Sander to be able to let their tongues meet.

Sander turned them around, making them shuffle towards the bed in the right corner of the room. He bit Robbe’s lower lip slowly, licking it with his tongue afterwards, making Robbe whine in response. Sander let himself fall onto the bed, pulling Robbe on top of him. Robbe kissed him as if his life depended on it, as if he had never felt such a euphoric feeling ever before. And he hadn’t. This kiss was different. Different from the ones they had before. The ones they had to make Noor believe they were a thing. Right now, it wasn’t about make-believe anymore. It was real. And it felt even more so.

Robbe put his hand on Sander’s chest, pulling his t-shirt as the blonde pulled his hair in response. They whined into each other’s mouths, as Sander moved his lips away from him to turn them around. As he now lied on top, his lips moved to Robbe’s jaw, then to his ear, licking it, them ending up in his neck to suck his skin lightly. Robbe moaned a little, biting his lower lip to try and release the pleasure. He could feel himself growing hard, he could even feel Sander growing hard against him.

Sander’s hand disappeared underneath Robbe’s t-shirt as he dug his fingers into his warm skin, making Robbe arch his back.

‘’Fuck, Sander…’’ Robbe grabbed his face, making his lips meet his again. Sander groaned from the way Robbe moaned his name, pressing his hips against his even more. The idea of going too fast had suddenly completely left Robbe’s mind. He didn’t give a shit about it anymore. All he wanted was Sander. This feeling was quite literally addictive.

Robbe turned them around again, sitting up slowly, taking Sander with him by his lips and by one finger pulling him up at his white t-shirt. Sander leaned on his hands, as Robbe took the lead while kissing him. The kiss became more sloppy and wet as time passed, but they both absolutely adored it. Sander wrapped his arms around Robbe’s waist, kissing his neck open-mouthed once again.

‘’The things you do to me, Ijzermans, _fuck_ …’’ He groaned against the skin in his neck, making Robbe shiver. He marked him, resulting in a moan from Robbe, as he felt Sander smile against his marked skin. Robbe rolled his hips against Sander’s, the both of them groaning at the same time, their lips meeting each other once again.

‘’You’re so _fucking_ beautiful.’’ The words were muted by the way Robbe’s lips still covered his, as Sander’s hands moved to the button on Robbe’s jeans, Robbe covering him with kisses on his jaw, his nose brushing his skin.

And that’s when the door fell open.

‘’Oh, _God_ , I’m so sorry-‘’ Robbe rolled off of Sander in the blink of an eye, turning around to face the door, hearing and seeing it slamming shut again. It was the voice of a woman, so he was quite sure Sander’s mom had arrived home.

‘’Mom!’’ Sander groaned, hiding his face underneath both hands. ‘’ _Fucking hell._ ’’

Robbe couldn’t help but giggle by how annoyed Sander was, as he quickly gave him a last peck on his cheek. Sander redid his shirt, moved his hand through his hair and groaned another last time. He mouthed a quick ‘’sorry’’ to Robbe as he stood up, walking up to his door.

As he opened it, his mom revealed herself behind it. She was _unbelievably_ pretty. No wonder Sander looked as attractive as he did.

‘’Hi. I’m so sorry for interrupting, I heard voices downstairs so I came to check if Sander was home.’’ Voices? Or did she mean moans? Fuck, out of all ways Robbe thought to introduce himself, this would have been the last one on his list.

‘’Well, I’m home. Can you go again now?’’ Sander’s mom smiled, but it disappeared quite quickly as Sander clearly wasn’t showing any interest. Robbe wondered why he was being so cold to her. He knew he despised his dad, but he seemed to not have any bad feelings towards his mom.

Robbe stood up from the bed quickly, making his way to the doorstep, reaching out his hand to Sander’s mom to be able to introduce himself properly. It had to happen sometime, anyway. And maybe like this, she’d be a little happier after Sander turned her down in such a cold way. It was the least Robbe could do.

His mom grabbed his hand and shook it. ‘’I’m Robbe.’’ She looked at him, down from his feet, all the way up to his face. It was like she was studying every part of him, trying to take him in. Almost as if she knew him. But that wouldn’t be likely.

‘’Robbe… Ijzermans?’’ She questioned, making both him and Sander frown in response. So she did?

‘’Eh, yes?’’

‘’How do you know him?’’ Sander asked, insinuating himself into the conversation, clearly being just as surprised and curious as Robbe was.

‘’I don’t. I just… I used to buy stuff at your parents’ company years ago. I remembered they had a son called Robbe.’’ Sander looked from his mom back to Robbe, frowning his eyebrows, clearly being both startled and impressed by the fact Robbe’s parents used to have their own company. He hadn’t told him yet, simply because it was in Robbe’s past. And also because he really didn’t feel like talking about it.

‘’Well, it’s nice to meet you.’’ Robbe said to which she nodded, him trying to quickly change the subject of the conversation. Sander didn’t seem to mind, as he put his hand on Robbe’s back, caressing it softly and giving him the most beautiful and loving smile.

‘’I think it’s time for you to go now, Robbe.’’ The two boys broke eye contact to both look at Sander’s mom with astonishment. Time to go? Did Sander have to be anywhere? Or did she just want Robbe to leave for whatever reason?

‘’Wait, what? Why?’’ Robbe wasn’t sure whether Sander sounded angry, confused or offended. It was probably a mixture of all three. And frankly, Robbe definitely affiliated with at least two out of those three.

‘’Because you and I have something to discuss, Sander.’’

‘’And you really want to do that _now?_ When Robbe is here?’’

‘’That’s why Robbe is leaving. Right, Robbe?’’ His mom stared at Robbe, crossing both arms, raising her eyebrows as if she just expected Robbe to agree.

‘’I-‘’

Sander interrupted him before he could give her the answer she wanted. ‘’He doesn’t have to leave. Whatever you want to discuss can wait until tonight.’’

‘’No, Sander, it can’t.’’

It looked like Sander got angrier with every second that passed, so much that Robbe was getting scared he was about to fight her. He really couldn’t let his first meeting with one of his parents get out of hand, so he decided to pick his mom’s side for now, even though he really didn’t want to. ‘’I’ll just leave.’’

Sander looked at him, his eyes growing wide. They changed into a sad expression within seconds. It was quite obvious Robbe wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to leave. ‘’But, Robbe-‘’

‘’No, it’s fine. I’ll call you later, okay?’’ Sander stayed quiet for a few seconds, nodding after they had passed. He didn’t agree at all, Robbe knew that, but it wasn’t like they had another choice now. Or maybe they did, but Robbe just didn’t want him to fight with his mom because of him. Definitely not the first time they met.

Robbe grabbed Sander’s hand, rubbing his thumb across the back, letting it go to step out of his bedroom. He turned around one more time, nodding to his mom, but not saying anything else. He figured she didn’t really deserve a ‘’it was nice to meet you’’ right now. As much as Robbe wanted to be polite, he knew Sander wouldn’t appreciate it as much right now.

As he walked down the stairs, he could still hear Sander screaming at his mom, probably thinking Robbe had already left.

‘’Fucking hell, mom! Why are you guys always ruining everything for me?’’

**

**SANDER’S POV**

Sander slammed his fist against the wall of his bedroom. ‘’Why do you _always_ have to ruin everything for me?’’

His mom sighed, closing the door behind her, leaving both her and Sander completely alone. She walked up to him, trying to hold his hands, trying to calm him down. ‘’Sander, you and I both know what’s happening here.’’

Sander stopped moving, looking at his mom with surprise, utter astonishment. They _both_ knew? Not this fucking bullshit again. She always acted as if Sander was acting clueless, as if he was pretending he was dumb and hiding the truth from her, as if they had talked about this thousands of times before and Sander still didn’t get it.

‘’Please, enlighten me. Because I have no fucking clue.’’

‘’Are you realizing how much you’re lashing out? This is just part of your sickness, once again. First you went wild about your sister last week, and now you’re suddenly bringing a _guy_ home?’’ His _sickness?_ His parents _always_ said everything was because of his sickness. Ever since he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago, every single thing Sander did was a result of that, as if Sander couldn’t think straight anymore, as if Sander wasn’t in control anymore ever since. They treated him as if he had become someone else. They had tried so many things, paid for so many treatments to try and make Sander ‘’come back to normal’’. And it never worked. Because they never realized their money wasn’t gonna fix shit. They never realized Sander was still Sander. But that was just the kind of people they were.

He hadn’t realized people could be worse than his parents, until Robbe had told him his dad had done the exact same. Some people really were fucking idiots.

‘’It _isn’t_ part of my illness, mom! _Fuck!_ I actually really like him. Is that so hard to believe?’’

His mom raised her eyebrows. ‘’That’s what you’re saying now.’’

‘’That’s what I’m _feeling_. That’s what I have been feeling for months. I just never told you and dad because I _knew_ this was the way you were gonna react.’’

His mom scoffed. ‘’What do you mean you ‘’knew’’? We never said anything bad about your relationship with Britt. Why did you break up with her again, anyway?’’

‘’Because she saw me as my illness instead of as Sander. Something you and dad are also still doing, by the way.’’ He had never really dared to say this out loud, but for once, Sander decided to stand up for himself. Somehow Robbe made him feel even more confident than he used to be.

‘’We just want someone who’s right for you, honey.’’ Fuck, the ‘’honey’’ at the end made the entire sentence even more unbelievable. As if they cared enough about him getting someone who was right for him. All they hoped for was that he could even ever find someone who was gonna be able to handle his ‘’sickness’’. Because to them, that’s all Sander was these days. And apparently, it was a huge deal for someone to be having to date him ever since.

‘’Robbe _is_ right for me. Honestly, why is being with him suddenly a part of my illness while being with Britt was never a problem?’’ He was speaking the truth. Robbe _was_ right for him. Somehow he already knew the first time he ever saw him, but ever since they had actually gotten to know each other, he had never been more sure of something in his entire life. Especially when Robbe told him about the situation with his mom. That’s when he knew Robbe would never judge him. That Robbe would never just see him as his sickness. That Robbe was gonna be the good thing in life he had waited for for years.

‘’Just… stay away from him.’’ He wasn’t going to. But she didn’t have to know. What he still didn’t understand, is why Robbe was suddenly such a big problem while she had never even really met him. It really didn’t make any fucking sense.

‘’ _Why,_ mom? Literally, _why?’’_

‘’This isn’t up for discussion, Sander.’’

‘’ _Fuck!’’_

**

**Sander:** robbe, I’m so sorry for today. can I please make it up to you?

 **Robbe:** it’s fine, don’t worry

 **Sander:** it’s not. my mom treated you like shit. this really isn’t how I wanted today to go

 **Robbe:** then how did you want it to go?

 **Sander:** it definitely included continuing whatever was happening on that bed, if that’s what you’re trying to ask

 **Robbe:** am I that predictable?

 **Sander:** no, I just know you that well already

 **Robbe:** I’m glad you do :)

 **Sander:** :)

 **Sander:** meet me at our bench tomorrow at nine, okay? I’ll make it up to you

 **Robbe:** what are we doing?

 **Sander:** patieeeeeeeence. :)

**

The next day, Robbe’s reality really had kicked back in. The euphoric feeling Sander had been giving him the past few days had suddenly been replaced by an overflowing feeling of anger and frustration. Where Robbe used to feel so alive a day ago, he felt incredibly powerless today.

Because the next morning, Robbe had received and email from the school’s principal, where he had been asked to fix a shitload of chores the mayor wanted him to do. Robbe really wondered why he didn’t just decide to let the people he’d actually hired to do the dirty work, but apparently he really enjoyed making Robbe work for the offer he had given him. And Robbe couldn’t do anything about it. If he didn’t do it, he would get kicked out of the college, and he really couldn’t do that to both his mom and his future. And now that Robbe had met Sander, he had to admit that the school did have its positive sides, after all.

But it really was an absolute mess.

The day started with cleaning the club on campus he worked at – something he already did a few days ago, but apparently not enough for the mayor’s liking. It took him _hours_ , so long that he couldn’t even attend the one class he was supposed to attend. He had a valid reason to stay away, but it did mean he had to do extra work when he finally arrived home. Then, after classes were over for the day, Robbe was also expected to clean the entire cafeteria in the north wing. He was just glad Sander’s classes weren’t there, so he wouldn’t walk into him cleaning it.

He didn’t want Sander to know. Or at least, not yet. He didn’t want him to know about the mess his life really was and had been for a long time. He didn’t want him to know he _despised_ rich and privileged people, as Sander kind of was one himself, too. Even though it was quite obvious he didn’t want to be one. He didn’t want him to know that the entire town hated Robbe’s parents _that_ much, that he was now in college in exchange for doing the dirty work whenever the mayor or the school’s principal wanted him to. He didn’t want him to know his life sucked. He didn’t want him to know, because Sander would probably do everything in his power to help him. He didn’t want him to know. Not when Sander probably had enough on his plate already, anyway.

So Robbe just did what he was asked and expected to. He did it for his mom, for his future, and now also for Sander. And he just kept reminding himself that there were always people who had it far worse than him. That kind of helped.

As it was now late in the evening, Robbe was still cleaning, not being sure if he was even doing it right, as the mess the cafeteria was, wasn’t necessarily getting any less of a mess. Robbe exhaled loudly, taking off the nasty gloves he had been wearing for way too long, to throw them on the table he sat himself onto.

He slid his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it, curious if Sander had been trying to reach out to him during the day.

**20:50**

**Sander:** almost there

**21:10**

**Sander:** you on your way?

**21:21**

**Sander:** robbe?

**21:59**

**Sander:** I’ve been waiting for quite a while, are you okay?

**22:20**

**Sander:** helloooo?

**22:45**

**Sander:** I’ve been waiting for long enough. text me when you decide to remember

Fuck.

There was no way. There was no way in _hell_ that Robbe had just forgotten his date with Sander. He had probably tried so hard to find a way or to think about something that would made up for the mess that happened yesterday at his house, and Robbe just _forgot._

And now what was he supposed to say? That he forgot because his life sucks and important people make him do things he doesn’t want to do? That he forgot because he had been cleaning the school’s cafeteria all night, while normal college students would be having a beer at a bar right now?

Fuck. He had no clue whatever he was supposed to do.

**SANDER’S POV**

**23:00**

**Robbe:** I’m so sorry I forgot. I was studying and completely lost track of time

That was it? He forgot because he was _studying?_ Sander had really thought that whatever they had was a new kind of special, a new amount of love he hadn’t experienced before. Robbe was on his mind _constantly,_ he couldn’t even get him out of it if he tried to. And all this time, he thought Robbe had been feeling the same. He really couldn’t even believe Robbe forgot their date simply because he had college work to get through. It didn’t make any fucking sense.

But then again, when would someone ever fall for Sander the way he did for someone else?

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe the thing he and Robbe shared wasn’t that special after all. Maybe the painting had been too much. Maybe this had all indeed been too fast for Robbe. Did he push him too much? Did he convince him of something he wasn’t even ready for? Fuck, what was Sander even doing? Robbe was right. They had only known each other for three fucking days, and Sander was practically all over him.

Robbe probably just needed some space. And some time. He wanted to take things slow, and he had been giving Sander signs for it all this time. He had just been too fucking selfish to notice.

And above all that, Robbe had quite literally been sent away from his house by his own mother. Robbe must’ve felt terrible, as if he wasn’t welcome or appreciated. As if his family hated him, literally telling him he had to leave. If Robbe only knew the things his mother had said about him after he left. He was lucky Robbe was still texting him in the first place.

Sander smashed the front door shut as he arrived home, not wanting to go to his dorm today, not feeling like having another one of the emotional talks Senne loved. He meant them well, he really was his best friend, but sometimes Sander just preferred being alone with his thoughts and feelings for a while.

His mom walked into the hallway, apparently having heard the loud smash of the front door falling closed. She walked up to him, clearly concerned, as she put one hand on his shoulder to make sure he was okay.

‘’Sander, what’s wrong? Are you okay?’’ Sander quickly shoved her hand off of his shoulder, making his way onto the stairs, planning to stay inside his room for the rest of the night.

‘’Leave it, mom. You’ve done enough already.’’

‘”What’s that supposed to mean?’’ He stopped walking, let out a groan and turned around to face his mom yet again. He just looked at her angrily for a second, then finally collecting the guts to say what he wanted to say so badly.

‘’It’s Robbe, mom. I thought things were going well, but you got what you wished for. He fucking hates my guts now. Isn’t that what you wanted?’’

‘’Sander, I-‘’

As Sander had already turned around to run up the rest of the stairs, his mom was never able to finish her sentence. It wouldn’t have been anything good, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh chapter two is up! i enjoy writing this story a little too much. it makes me so happy to read your comments that you are loving it the same way i am.
> 
> please let me know your thoughts on this chapter, i'm really curious! what are your expectations for what will happen next? what did you like or what would you have done differently? also, let me know whatever you would like to read in the upcoming chapters, i'm always open for some requests!
> 
> thank you for reading, stay safe x


	4. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robbe and Sander haven't seen or spoken to each other for two weeks. They ask their friends for advice - the one being more positive than the other. As Sander decides to go out for a night, events turn out very differently than he had expected them to.

**SANDER’S POV**

It had been two weeks.

Two weeks since Sander had talked to Robbe last.

And those weeks really had been a huge mess. Sander’s mom had completely ruined everything that was happening between him and Robbe. The way she just sent him away, as if he wasn’t worth her time and attention, not making Sander able to interfere, probably scared Robbe away as much as anything else probably could have.

And Sander had tried to make things up to him, but Robbe hadn’t showed up. He said he forgot because he had to ‘’study’’, but for some reason, Sander just didn’t believe him. He knew there was something else going on, that Robbe had a different reason to not show up that time. And he knew exactly what that reason was.

But even though Sander hadn’t talked to Robbe during those two weeks, he had _seen_ him. He saw him during lunch breaks on campus, he saw him walking on the streets every time he went working at the club, he saw him at the school library, studying for whichever classes he was taking. It was as if the universe wanted Sander to see Robbe as much as possible, as if it was a sign that things weren’t and shouldn’t be over. And as much as Sander had never believed in signs from the universe, ever since he met Robbe, he suddenly believed in those miracles, as he was the biggest one he’d ever met.

But Robbe never saw him. He walked past without ever noticing him. Mostly because every time he walked by, he was accompanied by what Sander believed to be his best friend Jens. Jens was with Robbe all the _damn_ time. During all those lunch breaks, during all the study sessions at the library- he even walked together with Robbe when he had to go work at the club. It was as if Jens never left his side, as if he was growing closer to Robbe than Sander ever had been. It was absolutely _ridiculous_ , and Sander despised him for it. Jens really did all the things Sander wanted to be the one to do. He had never wanted to be someone else so badly. Jens made Robbe laugh, he made Robbe feel happy, he spent time with him, walked next to him. Maybe he even made Robbe feel _safe_ – safe enough to tell him stories, personal ones Sander had never heard before but wanted to so damn much. Even little things such as putting his hand on the brunet’s shoulder gave Sander a sting in his stomach. He had never really experienced what it was like to be jealous, but when it came to Robbe, Sander felt lots of things he had never felt before. Simply because he was _Robbe_ , and everything was and felt different around him.

Sander groaned as his thoughts were taking its toll on him, and threw the brushes he was collecting at the end of his art class onto the ground. ‘’ _Fuck!’’_

‘’Sander?’’ The blonde looked up to see Noor entering the room behind him. Every time someone called out his name, he always had hope it would be Robbe. But unfortunately for Sander, life wasn’t really ever in his favor. At least not the past two weeks.

The girl walked up to him, granting him a small smile. He wasn’t really sure how she felt towards him, as he literally made out with her crush right in front of her eyes. It had been an exceptional moment for Sander, whereas for Noor, he could imagine her heart had never been more broken.

‘’How… how are you?’’ She stammered, as she now stood right next to him, shuffling on both of her feet out of something that probably was anxiety or just the incredible awkward vibe the room was filled with. Sander himself definitely felt both.

‘’I’m alright. You?’’ He responded.

‘’Yeah, me too.’’

Quietness filled the room, the awkward vibe reaching its peak. Where Sander used to be so confident before, he had never felt the urge to leave a situation as badly as he did right now. He didn’t know what to say or do, he didn’t even know why she started a conversation with him in the first place. Not that he didn’t want her to, but just because he thought she hated his guts, which would be completely valid after everything that had happened.

‘’How are you and Robbe?’’ Sander looked up from his feet, Noor’s question hitting him harder than he thought it ever could. Because he wanted things to be good. He wanted him and Robbe to be great, to go places together, to do things together. But that wasn’t how things were right now. In fact, right now, there was no ‘’him and Robbe’’, because they weren’t even fighting, there was actually nothing going on at all. But Sander reminded himself that Noor couldn’t know. If he could do anything for Robbe, anything that made the brunet happy, he’d still do it without doubting it for a second. So keeping up the idea of their relationship for Noor, just how Robbe had always wanted it, was something Sander still did, even though Robbe had no idea.

‘’Eh, we’re- we’re good. Great, actually.’’ The way his voice stammered and lacked doing what he wanted it to do, made Sander sure that he wasn’t being believable at all. In fact, it made him think that Noor wouldn’t even believe their entire relationship anymore right now.

But instead, Noor smiled slightly, nodding as she looked at her still shuffling feet.

‘’Oh, well, I’m glad.’’

Sander bit his lower lip as he observed Noor trying to find herself a comfortable position. The entire vibe around the two was awkward as _fuck,_ Sander had never experienced anything like it. But it really was no surprise, as Sander had literally stolen her crush from her, right in front of her face three weeks ago. It amazed him she was even still talking to him in the first place instead of slapping him in his face instead. He had hurt her feelings really bad, but his thoughts had always been way too occupied by Robbe to realize how much it must have affected her.

‘’Noor… I’m really sorry for what happened at the club three weeks ago.’’

Sander’s apology came just as unexpected to himself as to the girl standing right in front of him.

‘’What?’’

Sander rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand, not being sure how to clarify whatever he was apologizing for. He obviously knew exactly what it was, but he just didn’t want to shove the entire situation into her face yet again. Once had probably been painful enough.

‘’How I… how I kissed Robbe like that?’’ It was the safest option he could think of. And hopefully the least painful one.

‘’Oh, that. It’s fine really.’’ Noor _smiled,_ as if she had almost completely forgotten about it already. She even waved it away with her left hand, the other finally having found a comfortable position in the back pocket of her dark blue, ripped jeans.

Instead, Sander frowned, not being sure why Noor was taking this so easily. He didn’t mind, but he just hoped she wasn’t lying to him just to make him feel better. Noor really seemed like a girl who would do that. ‘’Are you sure?’’

Noor shrugged. ‘’Yeah. Robbe had been giving me signs that he didn’t want me for weeks, anyway. I was just way too blind to see them. I didn’t even know he was gay.’’

‘’But that’s not your fault.’’

Noor nodded, a small grin entering her face as she studied Sander’s. ‘’No, I know. But at least you helped me figure that out.’’

Sander smiled back as he scoffed slightly, the both of them laughing and making the entire situation a bit less uncomfortable. He was glad she was able to see some positive in this whole situation, reminding Sander that seeing the good in others was something some people still did occasionally. Noor apparently was one of those people, and he really couldn’t have been more grateful for it. She really was an incredible girl, from the inside and out. She was _gorgeous_ , he was sure there were enough guys waiting to get attention from a girl like her. But out of every single one, Robbe was the one she fell for. And Sander obviously couldn’t blame her. Robbe made everyone else completely irrelevant, and he didn’t even have to try.

Sander squeezed both eyes, still not feeling a hundred percent okay with it, still feeling guilty for making her feel the way he did. ‘’Are you sure you’re okay with it?’’

‘’Well… you seem like a great guy. And if you love him, then why would I have anything against it?’’

He seemed like a _great guy?_ Somehow Noor saying that meant the world to him, especially after what he’d done to her. He knew it wasn’t like he had committed a crime, but he still felt fucking bad about it. He fell so hard for Robbe that he had never realized how much he hurt her in the process.

Sander looked down at his feet, him now being the one to make them shuffle from not being sure what to do or answer. ‘’Right.’’

‘’Do you?’’ Noor’s question made Sander look up.

‘’Hm?’’

‘’Do you love him?’’ It was a question Sander knew the answer to more than he dared to admit.

He smiled slightly, his eyes turning soft as the thought of Robbe entered his mind. His brown, curly hair, the laugh lines appearing on his face whenever he smiled at him, those _fucking_ lips that made Sander feel like he was on top of the world. Robbe’s beauty had attracted Sander’s eye, but his personality had captured his heart.

The answer to Noor’s question was quite simple.

‘’I do.’’

**

‘’ _Fuck!’’_ Sander groaned loudly as he threw the door to his dorm shut behind him, falling down on his bed, covering his face with both hands. As his groan was now being muted by his palms, Senne was still quite able to hear his best friend’s misery.

‘’What’s wrong with _you?’’_

Sander groaned again, this time not because of all the thoughts in his head, but because of his best friend not ever being able to mind his own business. He knew he meant well, but sometimes Sander just really wasn’t in the mood for one of his therapy sessions. ‘’Just leave it, Senne.’’

He felt the mattress moving up and down as his best friend apparently sat down next to him, Sander not being able to see as his hands were still covering his eyes. ‘’I know you’re not much of a talker, but you also know I’m not gonna let this go before you tell me.’’

Sander exhaled loudly, moving his hands away from his face to finally reveal his best friend sitting beside him. He closed his eyes for a second, silently wishing for his friend to let it go and walk away. As he opened his eyes again, Sander was reminded that he never got what he wished for. ‘’Senne…’’

‘’Talk.’’ Senne’s face didn’t stretch a single muscle. He really wasn’t gonna let this go.

‘’You’re annoying.’’

‘’I’m supportive.’’

Sander scoffed, raising both eyebrows. ‘’And annoying.’’

Senne rolled his eyes, grabbing Sander by his arm to make him sit up straight next to him. As Sander finally looked him right into his eyes, he put his hands on both knees. ‘’Whatever. You’re avoiding the subject. Now talk.’’

‘’I- ugh. Alright. I’ve… been seeing someone.’’

His best friend’s mouth dropped open, astonishment dripping off of his face in every way possible. He wasn’t sure whether that was a good or a bad sign. He just hoped his reaction was going to be the complete opposite of his mom’s, making him a bit more hopeful in this entire situation. It quite literally was what Sander needed right now, or else he just preferred not talking about it.

‘’ _What?_ Please, don’t tell me it’s Britt again.’’ Well, at least _that_ was the complete opposite of his parents already. For some reason Britt was like a saint to them, he couldn’t get married to her quickly enough. It really was no surprise, though, as Britt had always treated him more like his illness than as him as a person, just the way his parents had always done. Now that they were broken up, Britt seemed to have finally found her chill, as if the break up finally made her realize Sander was in fact still Sander, and that his illness didn’t define him in any way. Though, it didn’t make him want her back at all. His relationship with Britt had always been more of a security, something to please his parents, instead of it being something Sander had actually wanted. After they had ended things, they decided to just stay friends and keep that security, but this time only in the way they wanted it themselves and not the way his parents had always wanted it. 

‘’God, no, don’t worry.’’ Sander snorted at Senne’s relieved sigh, him letting out a ‘’phew’’ afterwards. He knew how much Senne had always hated the influence Britt had on him during their relationship. Senne had told him to break up with her so many times, but Sander had always been way too dumb, way too influenced by his parents who clearly didn’t know shit. He was glad his best friend had also been the one who made him realize that. ‘’I’ve been seeing… a guy.’’

‘ _’Excuse me?_ You’ve been seeing a _guy_ and you haven’t told me about this?’’

‘’Dude, chill, it’s only been a few weeks.’’

‘’We live together, _and_ we’re best mates.’’ Senne stared at him as if Sander was acting dumb, but the blonde quite literally didn’t understand his whole deal.

‘’So?’’

‘’So, I’m supposed to know these things! Fuck, you better give me all the details now.’’

Sander snorted, Senne’s reaction reminding him of the first guy he’d ever come out to. His name was Milan, and him and Sander used to work in the same photography shop together. Milan didn’t know shit about photography, though, he just sold the pictures Sander took, convincing people to spend money on them by using his great marketing skills. And he was a _great_ gay guru.

‘’Why do you sound like my not gay best friend?’’

Senne sighed. ‘’Sander. You’re still avoiding the subject.’’

‘’Okay, fine. His name is Robbe. I’ve been seeing him around campus since the start of the year, but I only really met him a few weeks ago in the club on campus he works at.’’

‘’Ah, so you’ve fallen for a _bartender?’’_ Senne raised both eyebrows, the word ‘’bartender’’ leaving his lips as a tease, clearly making fun of Sander’s taste.

‘’No, I’ve fallen for a great guy who happens to be a bartender.’’

‘’Dude, this is amazing. I can’t believe you’ve finally fallen for someone new.’’

Sander exhaled, closing his eyes in the process. As he opened them again, he stared down at his hands lying down on his lap. He played with his fingers, reminding himself of how _not_ great things were at the moment. ‘’Yeah.’’

‘’That… didn’t sound very convincing. What’s up?’’

‘’Nothing. It’s just… I think I fucked it up already.’’

‘’What? How?’’

‘’I took him to my house two weeks ago, to show him some of the paintings I had saved there. Things were great, _we_ were great. That was until my mom arrived home and caused a shitstorm.’’

Senne’s facial expression changed from concern into literal despair. Out of all people, he knew the most about how shitty Sander’s parents could really be. ‘’Oh, _fuck_. You’re not telling me she-?’’

Sander raised his eyebrows, pressing both lips together. ‘’That’s exactly what I’m telling you.’’

‘’Oh, shit. I honestly still don’t understand why you’re even still having contact with your parents if they treat you the way they do. And now not just you, but they also treat your boyfriend like shit. That’s really fucked up, man.’’ Senne had a fair point. Sander had no reason to still be in contact with his parents, but the point was – they were _still_ his parents. And no matter how much he despised them most of the time, he somehow wasn’t able to let them go completely. He always guessed that was just the person he was. No matter how badly people hurt him, he was too attached to everyone and anyone to ever let them go. It was his characteristic he hated the most.

And he didn’t get into it. Because he felt like nobody would ever understand.

‘’He’s… not my boyfriend. And he probably doesn’t even want to be anymore after what happened. He hasn’t reached out to me ever since. _Fuck,_ and he already mentioned he felt like things were going too fast. And then the thing with my mom?’’

It stayed quiet for a while, Sander reminiscing over everything that had happened, Senne thinking of the best possible solution in the meantime.

‘’Have you tried to reach out to him?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Well, why not?’’

‘’Because, I tried to make things up to him with a date, but he didn’t show up because he said he was ‘’studying’’.’’

Senne’s face turned painful. ‘’Ouch. Who even does that here?’’

‘’I know. That’s what I mean.’’ Sander knew Robbe could be different. He knew Robbe could be one of those good and hard-working students who actually did something for his classes. But simply because practically nobody did, as everyone always paid their way through college, he wasn’t used to anything else.

‘’After the thing with my mom he probably realized things were indeed going too fast. Or he just figured he wasn’t ready for a relationship with someone who has such a fucked up family as me. Who knows, he might even think I’m the same as her now.’’ It was a thought that turned Sander’s stomach upside-down. The idea of ever becoming the same as his parents made him feel sick.

‘’Come on, Sander, you and I both know that’s not the case.’’

‘’Well, I don’t know.’’

‘’Why don’t you just ask him? There’s something called communication, you know.’’

He knew communication existed. He also knew he wasn’t used to it, because nobody in his life had ever used it. Both his parents and Britt had never heard about the term before. And he _wanted_ to communicate with Robbe, he knew Robbe wanted it too, but communicating meant being honest, and somehow, he wasn’t sure whether that’s something that Robbe wanted. Or at least, not if he found out what being honest meant.

‘’Because I will have to explain why my mom acted the way she did. And if he hears about _that,_ he might even want to stay away from me for good.’’

‘’And by _that_ you mean your bipolarity?’’

‘’Hm-m.’’

Senne rolled his eyes, exhaling in disbelief. ‘’Sander. You know you’re letting your mom win now, right? This is exactly what she wants, you believing people you care about won’t accept you the way you are. I know I don’t know Robbe, but if you fell for him that quickly, he must be a great guy. I’m sure he’ll understand.’’

Senne had a fair point, again. Robbe _was_ a great guy. The best Sander had ever met.

‘’Yeah, maybe you’re right.’’

‘’Excuse me? Of course I’m right.’’ Sander looked up at his best friend who had his mouth dropped open in surprise, pretending to look offended, clearly trying way too hard.

‘’You’re a pain in the ass.’’

‘’At least I’m a supportive pain in the ass.’’ The two guys laughed as Sander nudged him against his shoulder. Sander realized he wasn’t grateful enough when it came to Senne. He really was his biggest support, the kind his parents had never given him. He was like the brother he never had. Or the sister he had never gotten to know.

‘’But I mean it, dude. Text the guy. I’m sure he has been waiting for you to reach out.’’

Sander smiled, nodding in appreciation. ‘’Thanks, man.’’

‘’No problem. As long as you really do it.’’ Senne pointed his index finger towards Sander, looking him, his eyes penetrating the blonde’s. Sander chuckled.

‘’Yeah, yeah. You should take up your own advice and call Zoë. I know you guys broke up, but you’re clearly still into her.’’

This time, Senne nudged against his shoulder, pushing Sander onto his back, making him lay down on the bed once again. ‘’Hey, this isn’t Senne therapy hour, it’s yours. So mind your own business.’’

Sander laughed out loud for the first time in what felt like ages. ‘’Whatever. But we both know.’’

‘’Shut the fuck up.’’

**

It had been two weeks.

Two weeks since Robbe had talked to Sander last.

Robbe was taken out of his thoughts and his gaze as he felt a firm yet soothing hand on his shoulder, grabbing it in a way that had become very familiar over the past few weeks.

Ever since his, whatever it was, with Sander had ended, Robbe had spent more time with Jens, instead. Not that Jens was a replacement for him, he never could be for so many reasons, yet, it was something Robbe didn’t quite know he needed this much. Because as much as he had loved his short time with Sander, having a real friend on campus made Robbe feel more at ease considering the entire situation. Ever since he had gotten to know Jens more, he wasn’t sitting alone at lunch anymore. He didn’t walk to school alone anymore. He wasn’t spending free periods on campus alone anymore. Jens had become his other half, not in the way Sander was, but in the way that Sander _wasn’t._ Jens supported Robbe, and he knew Sander probably would have, too, but Jens gave him the support only a friend could ever give to him. 

And Jens was chill. He accepted Robbe for who he was. One night, about a week ago, Robbe had even told him about the entire situation he’s in. He didn’t tell him every single detail about his past, but he did tell him about all the fucked-up things he had to do for the principal in order to be able to stay in the school and not get kicked out instead. He didn’t tell him the mayor had him wrapped around his finger, he just told him he didn’t have another choice for quite personal reasons. But even then, even after Robbe had told him, Jens didn’t treat him any different. And that was a first.

Robbe wished he would have had the guts to tell Sander about all of it, but he hadn’t. He still didn’t. But he really had to tell him some time, especially after what had happened two weeks ago. Robbe really hated himself for forgetting. He still didn’t know why Sander’s mom wanted him to leave, and as Robbe hadn’t tried to reach out to him anymore afterwards, too scared he had fucked it all up, but also too afraid to find out what had been his mom’s problem, Sander probably felt like Robbe didn’t care about it anymore, or he had just given up on him, meaning that Robbe wasn’t so special to him, after all. It really was a fight within himself, a fight he didn’t know how to win or lose. Because if he didn’t reach out, he was probably never gonna find out what happened or what he did wrong, yet, if he _did_ reach out, it would be him taking the first step even though he somehow really wanted that to be Sander, as selfish as that might’ve sounded.

“So when were you ever gonna tell me Sander is the guy who you’ve been seeing?” Robbe looked up quickly, almost dropping his joint in complete surprise. Another thing he forgot to mention, Jens was great at keeping up with the gossip around campus. He literally knew everything all the _damn_ time.

“What?” 

“Don’t act ignorant now, Robbe. You’ve been staring at the guy, basically drooling all over your clothes every time he walked by.” Robbe scoffed, nudging Jens’ shoulder, slightly offended by how much his friend was exaggerating things to make it all feel even worse. Robbe didn’t drool. He just... admired. From afar. And he thought nobody else ever noticed. But of course, Jens did.

“I don’t hear a denial.” Jens snatched the joint from Robbe’s hand, taking a drag from it while Robbe was trying to find himself a way out. Or maybe he just tried to find a very good comeback. But when did Robbe ever succeed in anything?

So he just sighed instead, shrugging both shoulders in continuation. “Well, if you already know it’s true, I guess there’s no point in trying to deny it.”

“Wow. I didn’t think he was your type.”

“Which is what, exactly?” Robbe wasn’t sure whether he should’ve been surprised or offended, or maybe even a little proud for having a type Jens clearly didn’t expect.

“Just... closed off. Mysterious. Edgy. Artistic. Maybe even a little rebellious.”

Robbe raised both eyebrows. “You’ve got him quite figured out, don’t you?”

“I don’t know. Do I?”

Robbe stayed silent for a little while. Jens had a fair point in some way. Sander was indeed all of the things he had just mentioned, but they were by far not the only characteristics he possessed. Because _fuck,_ Sander was intriguing, incredibly interesting, a rush that made Robbe feel alive, and not to forget – _ridiculously_ attractive _._ Sander was _extraordinary_ – so much that Robbe could go on about him forever and ever and never get bored of it. Sander was like a book you wanted to read over and over again, not being able to move on from it and coming back to it in the end all the time. He was a mystery Robbe had unraveled only so slightly, and he couldn’t ever shake the feeling of wanting to find out more.

He smiled from his own thoughts. Such a cliché.

“He’s more when you actually get to know him.” The use of ‘ _’more’’_ in Robbe’s sentence clearly was an understatement.

“Hm. So you ended up using his phone number after all?”

Robbe rolled his eyes, knowing very well how this was just Jens’ way of being proven right. Which he was, but that didn’t make it any less annoying. So he just scoffed, grabbing his joint back out of his friend’s hand. “I did.”

Not to Robbe’s surprise, Jens raised both hands, putting both fists into the air, being _way_ too damn proud of himself.

“Well, what do I say? Matchmaker Jens, hm?”

“Not quite.” Robbe sighed.

“Oh? Wait. Is this the point where you’re gonna explain to me why you’re sitting here, staring at him while he passes by instead of just walking up to him to talk to him?”

Robbe released the biggest groan as he dug both hands into his brown locks, pulling them in despair. “I fucked up, Jens.”

“How come?”

“Two weeks ago, when I finally used his number, we met up and he took me to his house to show me some of the paintings he made. At first, I thought things were going too fast, but it’s as if with him, things just... happen. And they did. Things happened. And they were… _great-_ ’’

‘’Okay, no need to get into details.’’ Jens interrupted his story quite unexpectedly, making Robbe realize he might indeed be going a bit too far. Or well, too personal. But it’s what always happened when Sander entered his mind; he just wasn’t able to think straight anymore (no pun intended). So Jens was right. He didn’t have to know everything that happened in that room, and Robbe really needed to get a grip.

‘’Right. Anyway, it was all good, but then his mom came home, and... she quite literally told me to go away.”

Jens frowned, putting one hand on his knee to be able to observe Robbe better. “She just... asked you to leave?”

“Well, technically she did kind of ask. But it felt more as if she kicked me out.”

“Fuck.’’ His friend exhaled loudly, clearly being quite shocked by Robbe’s revelation. ‘’Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did Sander tell you anything about it afterwards?”

Robbe shook his head. “No, he... he texted me he was sorry and that he wanted to make it up to me on a date, which was very sweet, but then- _fuck_ , I fucking forgot, Jens.”

“Oh, shit.”

“He waited for me for two _fucking_ hours.”

“Fuck. How come you forgot?”

“I was doing some of those shitty jobs the principal wants me to do at times. The ones I told you about? I still had so much to do and I completely lost track of time. But I didn’t want to tell him about it, so I just told him I forgot because I was busy studying.” Robbe sighed at his own excuse. It really was the worst thing he could’ve thought of. Studying? Really? Maybe that’s why Sander hadn’t reached out to him anymore- just because he knew Robbe was lying straight into his face.

“And then?’’

‘’Nothing. We haven’t talked since.’’

Jens frowned, moving backwards. He clearly expected something different. ‘’What? So he still hasn’t told you the reason?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’That’s… strange. Are you sure he’s right for you?’’

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Well, I don’t know. You knew they guy for a few days and he was already not communicating or being honest with you. And now he just… forgot about you? To me, that doesn’t make any sense.’’

Jens had a fair point. Robbe had felt so safe with Sander so quickly, maybe even _too_ quickly. Sander had told him lots of personal things, stories like the one with his sister, which meant he was being open and honest. But apparently the entire situation with his mom had closed him off.

Robbe took another drag from the joint, as he stared into the distance, hoping to see Sander walking by, but being disappointed as he saw absolutely no one.

‘’Maybe you’re right.’’

**

As Robbe grabbed his books from his locker, the ones he actually never even used, he was thinking over Jens’ advice once again in his head. It had not once crossed Robbe’s mind that maybe, just _maybe,_ Sander indeed wasn’t right for him. That Sander could be hiding things from him, keeping secrets he either thought Robbe couldn’t handle, or just didn’t share because he didn’t trust him enough. And as much as the thought hurt him, he couldn’t even blame him. Because wasn’t Robbe doing the exact same? Wasn’t he holding back things from Sander, thinking of excuses whenever he needed them instead of telling Sander the truth? Maybe that’s why Sander hadn’t reached out to him since- because he _knew_ Robbe was holding back something. Maybe he knew Robbe wasn’t being honest. And that’s why Sander didn’t feel the need to be honest either. Since when did Robbe’s life turn into _fucking_ mastermind?

Robbe was taken out of his thoughts as he felt a hand on his shoulder. As he turned around, he was surprised to see that this time it wasn’t the familiar hand of Jens, the one that had touched him way too many times these past two weeks, but the hand of the girl he thought he had completely ruined his relationship with. Or at least, the one she had always wanted.

‘’Hi, Robbe.’’ Noor smiled at him politely, a bit too much for Robbe’s liking. Not that he didn’t appreciate her being polite, but he always thought people only did that when they needed something. Especially when they never talked to him anytime else.

‘’Hi.’’ He pushed his headphones off of his head, sliding them around his neck. He observed Noor from head to toe, as she was quite clearly giving him a very uncomfortable vibe. It was a vibe Robbe had always wanted to run away from, but now, it actually kind of intrigued him.

‘’How- how are you?’’ Suddenly, as Noor’s voice stammered its way off of her lips, it hit Robbe how she couldn’t be here because she wanted something from him. Why would she? How could Robbe forget how much he had probably hurt her a few weeks ago? When Sander had kissed him on the middle of the dancefloor, right in front of Noor’s face, her heart must have shattered into a million pieces. Robbe had never really understood her feelings towards him and why she couldn’t seem to let go of them, but now that he fell for Sander, he suddenly couldn’t understand her any more. Being ignored and even rejected by the one you want to be with the most really was a feeling Robbe never expected to hit this hard.

‘’I’m alright. You?’’ Noor continued, releasing Robbe from his thoughts once again.

Robbe cleared his throat, swallowing away the enormous lump that had formed after he realized how much of an asshole he had been. ‘’Yeah, me too.’’

But if she wasn’t here if she needed something from him, then why did she want to talk to him at all? After everything Robbe did to her, she really didn’t have any reason to still want to see him in the first place. If anything, Robbe should have been the one to reach out to _her,_ apologizing for his thoughtless behavior. He knew Sander was the one who kissed _him,_ but it wasn’t like he pushed him away.

Robbe observed the black-haired girl from head to toe once again, suddenly feeling so bad for her as she tried to be so polite, a pit of guilt forming in his stomach. ‘’Noor? Why are you still talking to me?’’

‘’You… forgot your jacket in the cafeteria.’’ As Noor raised her other hand, revealing Robbe’s orange jacket in it, he suddenly realized how she had been holding it all this time, his thoughts having been way too busy to try and connect the dots.

‘’Oh.’’

He grabbed the jacket from her hand slowly. ‘’Thank you.’’

Noor nodded at him, as if she said it wasn’t a problem, and then turned around, making an attempt to try and walk away from him. But before she was able to, she was stopped by Robbe’s hand on her shoulder, making her turn around to face him once again.

‘’Noor, wait. I- I’m sorry.’’

‘’For what?’’ She clearly knew for what. Robbe wasn’t a pro at reading people’s emotions, but this one was so obvious that it almost dripped off of her face. Even the sound of her voice revealed how she obviously knew what he was on about. She just wanted to hear him say it. And she had all the right to.

‘’For what I did at the club a few weeks ago. I really was such an asshole. I shouldn’t have- _we_ shouldn’t have…’’

‘’It’s okay, Robbe. I don’t mind that you’re together with Sander. I don’t even mind you kissed him in that moment. I just mind that you couldn’t have just told me you were gay sooner.’’

She had a fair point. All this time, Robbe had tried to give her signals that he wasn’t interested instead of just telling her the truth. He wasn’t interested and he was never going to be. It would’ve definitely hurt her, but probably not as much as it did now.

‘’I know. I’m sorry. I guess I was just scared of how you’d react. I’m still quite new here, and I didn’t want to start off with a bad reputation.’’

‘’Being gay doesn’t make you any less of a good person, Robbe. It doesn’t make you different. It’s just who you are, and everyone should just deal with that. If they don’t, then that’s _their_ problem. Not yours.’’

Robbe smiled, getting one from Noor in return. Out of all scenarios he had thought of, he had never expected her to be this supportive. She really was one of the most amazing people he had ever met, and he wasn’t quite sure what he did to deserve her ever falling for him.

‘’So… we’re okay?’’ It was a wish more than it was a question. Not that he wanted to explain or talk away his asshole behavior- he _deserved_ to be mad at or to be ignored. But somehow, Noor’s forgiveness and acceptation meant the entire world to him.

‘’Yeah. We’re good.’’

Robbe opened up his arms, pulling Noor in for a warm and reassuring hug. As she wrapped her arms around Robbe’s body, he suddenly felt so accepted and loved. She really didn’t have any reason to forgive him this quickly or even at all, but she _did._ Robbe was aware of the fact he had gotten very lucky, because it was just who Noor was, which made him even more grateful.

‘’Thanks for bringing me my jacket.’’ The sound of his sentence got muted as his mouth was still hidden in Noor’s shoulder.

She giggled in response. ‘’No problem. I was gonna give it to Sander, but then I remembered I had to be in this wing anyway.’’

Robbe let go of her immediately, frowning both eyebrows. Only the sound of his name already made his heart beat ten times faster.

‘’To _Sander?’’_

‘’Yeah, since we have art class together? I walked into him in our art class yesterday. He told me you guys are still doing well.’’ He did _what now?_ Robbe suddenly realized that Noor had no idea about all the shit that had been happening between them for the past two weeks. Well, actually nothing had been going on. Which made it even more of a surprise to Robbe that Sander still continued the idea of their relationship to Noor, anyway.

‘’Right, yeah.’’ He just decided to go along with it, not sure if that’s what Sander wanted him to do.

‘’He’s so into you. He even told me he loves you.’’ Wait, what the _fuck?_ Why were these things suddenly happening? And since when did Sander _love_ him?

‘’He _did?’’_ Noor smiled brightly, it disappearing slowly as she seemingly figured Robbe’s surprise meant this was the first time he’d ever heard about that.

‘’Yes. Wait, hasn’t he- he hasn’t told you yet?’’ Robbe was quite sure he was going to have a heart attack, _that’s_ how fast his heart was beating. The butterflies he hadn’t felt for two weeks suddenly went wild in his stomach. He wasn’t sure whether Sander had said it because he wanted Noor to believe they were an actual thing, or if he actually seriously meant it. The thought of that second option made his entire head and body go crazy. Because _fuck,_ how he wished the second option was his reality.

‘’N- no.’’

‘’Oh my god, Robbe. This shit is adorable.’’ As Robbe watched Noor going crazy over the fact Sander had declared his love for Robbe to her, Robbe himself couldn’t stop thinking about the fact Sander hadn’t talked to him for two weeks, yet apparently still thought about him all the time. Or at least, that’s what he hoped for after hearing this.

He grabbed his phone out of his pocket immediately, checking to see if he had received any texts, more specifically, texts from Sander.

But there was still absolutely nothing.

**

**SANDER’S POV**

On Friday night, Sander had let Senne talk him into going to a party he really didn’t feel like going to. The past days he had felt like absolute _shit._ All he could ever think about was Robbe. What he was doing, who he was with, whether he enjoyed life more now that Sander wasn’t in it anymore. It really didn’t make any sense, as Sander had no clue and he was just being extremely pessimistic, but somehow, it felt like that’s exactly what he deserved. He should’ve reached out to Robbe right away. He should’ve told him he understood why he didn’t show up at their date and didn’t blame that on the brunet himself. He should’ve told him his mom wanted him to leave because of his mental illness. He should’ve realized Robbe wouldn’t have ever judged him, as he was literally the best person Sander had ever met.

But it was too late for that now.

And it made him feel like _shit_.

Which was most likely the reason Senne had pulled him out of his bed, quite literally helped him to put on his clothes and took him to the club on campus to take his mind off of things for once. And even though Sander didn’t want to go, his friend wasn’t gonna take no for an answer.

‘’Here.’’ Senne put two shots of alcohol in front of Sander’s face, as the blonde was staring at the bar, leaning his face on both hands. He looked absolutely miserable. As he observed the shots standing in front of him, he sighed, shoving them away towards Senne.

‘’Come on, dude. Live a little. It’s not like Robbe is gonna be the last guy you ever meet.’’

Sander groaned, as that was literally the worst advice Senne had ever given him. He didn’t give a shit about other guys, he knew Robbe was the one, and he knew he would never be able to get over him. If only he hadn’t fucked things up so badly.

‘’Okay, bad advice. But Robbe isn’t here right now. So just… let go for the night. It really won’t hurt you any more than you’re already doing now.’’

He had a fair point. One of the reasons Sander hadn’t wanted to go, was because of the obvious reason that Robbe worked at this place. He believed he was the bartender for pretty much all of the nights, so it surprised him to not see his face as soon as he had walked in. Robbe wasn’t here tonight, and somehow that kind of lifted a weight off of his chest, but also put a new kind of disappointment on it in the meantime. Because, _fuck,_ how he missed that gorgeous face. More than anything in the entire goddamn world.

‘’Take it.’’ Senne moved one of the shots towards Sander again, gradually closer and closer towards his hand that was now leaning on the bar. Maybe Senne was right. Maybe he should loosen up a bit and let go. Robbe wasn’t here anyway, so it wasn’t like thinking about him was gonna change anything. He’d better make an attempt at enjoying himself, instead of looking like a basket case in the middle of a night club.

‘’Fine.’’ He exhaled loudly as he finally grabbed the small glass, pouring the shot down. The burning sensation down his throat and stomach was a feeling he had become way too familiar with over the years. He used to drink loads before he first saw Robbe. Not because he liked it, but simply because it took his thoughts and feelings off of the bullshit that was his family. But somehow, when Robbe came into his life, that had suddenly changed. He made Sander want to be _good,_ he made him want to look forward to things again and enjoy things in life. It sounded fucking cliché, but it was quite simply the truth.

Senne applauded, cheering him on as he finally decided to let things go. His best friend grabbed him by his wrist, pulling him off of his bar stool.

‘’Now we’re gonna dance.’’

‘’I don’t dance.’’

‘’You do now.’’

‘’Senne-‘’ As his best friend pulled him towards the dance floor, Sander’s eyes suddenly fell on someone in particular. The blinding lights coming down from the ceiling put the boy he was staring at quite literally in the spotlights. His brown curls fell down his slightly sweaty forehead, his arms were muscular, showing off veins from the top all the way to his wrist. He looked incredibly fucking handsome, and Sander wasn’t able to take his eyes off of him.

‘’Sander, you coming?’’ Senne frowned as he saw Sander standing stiff, following his eyes to the person he was staring at. He sighed as he realized what was happening.

But before Senne could say anything and interfere the gaze Sander was quite obviously giving the brunet in the crowd, the two of them were both taken off guard as they suddenly saw the same boy throwing his arms around someone else.

 _Fuck_.

‘’Sander…’’ Senne grabbed him by his wrist another time, not necessarily to pull him with him for a dance, but this time more to pull him away from what he was staring at.

But Sander didn’t reply. He just stood there, balling both fists, clenching his jaw. He didn’t know whether he was angry, disappointed, heartbroken, or just all of them at the exact same time. All he knew for sure is that he felt mad at himself, extremely fucking furious, simply because none of this was Robbe’s fault. It was his own.

Senne grabbed him by both shoulders, pushing him against the wall next to the bar they just sat at. ‘’Dude. Get a grip. He doesn’t even know you’re here.’’

‘’So? That asshole doesn’t _fucking_ deserve him.’’

‘’How do you know? You don’t even know the guy.’’

‘’I know. That’s exactly why.’’ Sander tried to move in his best friend’s grip, but he wouldn’t let him. Instead, he pushed him against the wall even firmer. Luckily all of the other people were too drunk to notice.

‘’Come on, Sander. Can you blame him? You’re the one who still hasn’t reached out to him after two weeks of pining.’’

Sander just stared at him for a few seconds, realizing he had a fair point, yet not wanting to admit that to himself. ‘’I-‘’

‘’The guy deserves to move on. Especially if you’re giving him a reason to.’’

And as much as Sander wanted to deny all of it and take a stand, he couldn’t. Simply because he wasn’t able to. Senne was right, and he knew it. He always was.

But that didn’t mean Sander was just gonna let this happen.

**

‘’So, are you new here?’’ Robbe turned around as he heard an unfamiliar voice whispering in his ear. The feeling it gave him made him _shiver_ \- not necessarily in a positive way.

This was the first time in weeks where Robbe had decided to go out. He had asked his colleague if he had wanted to take his shift from him, so he would’ve been able to finally take a night off, instead. Jens even told him he had never been more proud of him.

It was quite strange to be in the club without having to work and serve everyone the drinks they would get drunk of, now being one of those people instead. Not that Robbe was trying to get super drunk, but at least he was able to finally enjoy himself for one night. That literally had been ages.

And at least the alcohol took his mind off of Sander for once.

‘’Uh, yeah.’’ Robbe replied, as he turned around to face the unknown guy now standing right in front of him. He was actually quite handsome. Not in the way Sander was, but… different. He looked good, muscular, he even had a little beard that made him look very mature. But his hair wasn’t bleached. And he wasn’t wearing combat boots. Or that white t-shirt Robbe pulled weeks ago. Fuck.

The guy walked up even closer to him. ‘’Do you want to have some fun tonight?’’

Robbe wasn’t sure whether the question made him feel sick or intrigued. The point was, that he actually did want to, just not with him. There was only one person Robbe had ever wanted to be with, and he hated himself for thinking about him even now.

So he decided to go with the intrigued feeling. ‘’That depends.’’

The brown-haired guy raised both eyebrows, making one hand move up Robbe’s arm. He shivered, in a bad way. But he decided to ignore that for now.

‘’On what, exactly?’’

‘’On what kind of fun you mean.’’ The brown-haired guy smiled, grabbing Robbe’s arms and putting them around his neck. Fuck, Robbe didn’t want him to do this. He wanted Sander to do this. Why did he decide to go on with this again? Where was Jens when Robbe needed him?

‘’How about just staying the _fuck_ away from him?’’ Robbe quickly let go of the guy’s neck as a voice, a way too damn familiar voice, suddenly got between the two of them. As he looked up a little, the bleached haired guy being taller than he was, Robbe’s heart skipped a beat.

‘’Sander?’’

‘’How about you mind your own damn business?’’ The brown-haired guy interrupted Robbe before Sander had the chance to reply or even turn himself towards him.

‘’Well, this happens to be _my own damn business_. The guy is taken.’’

The brown-haired guy scoffed, as Robbe just observed the two of them in complete astonishment. He didn’t know what to do or say, all he knew was that he felt angry, but most of all, suddenly as safe as he had ever felt.

‘’And by who would that be?’’

‘’By me.’’ Robbe looked up at Sander, and finally, after all those weeks, their eyes met again. Sander looked determined, yet he had never seen him as desperate as he looked now. Robbe just stared at him in complete surprise.

‘’Whatever. I don’t have time for this bullshit.’’ The brown-haired guy observed Sander from head to toe one more time, being almost a head smaller than him. Robbe was quite convinced the guy was gonna spit at him, that’s how disgusted he looked at him. But he didn’t- instead, he just shove his shoulder against his, pushing Sander aside, and then walked away.

Robbe locked eyes again with the bleached guy standing in front of him. He looked extremely tired, _drained_ even, as if he hadn’t slept in days. He also looked as if he knew exactly what he was doing. He had never seen him more determined.

‘’Robbe…’’

‘’No, leave it.’’ But fuck, Robbe was angry. Angry at Sander for ruining his chance with another guy when he felt like it. Angry for him showing up after two weeks of nothing, and then deciding for Robbe who he was supposed to be with. Angry for making Robbe feel safe with his presence, while Robbe was supposed to mad at him. Angry for making Robbe feel like he wanted to jump into his arms immediately, even without an explanation. The influence he had on him made Robbe absolutely furious.

As he stormed out of the club, he could hear Sander’s footsteps following him, realizing the blonde was rushing after him.

‘’Robbe!’’

‘’Don't, Sander.’’

‘’Robbe, please let me explain.’’

Robbe suddenly stopped walking and turned around, facing the bleached haired guy who’s determined look had been replaced for an extremely desperate and hopeless one. And as much as Robbe didn’t want to, his heart actually ached for him.

‘’Explain _what?_ Why you don’t reach out to me for two weeks straight and then decide to come up to me again as soon as it looks like someone else might be interested in me?’’

‘’I-‘’

‘’I honestly don’t get you. Don’t you trust me? Or am I just not good enough?’’

‘’You are, Robbe. _Fuck_ , you are.’’ Sander walked up closer to him, leaving a distance that was just comfortable enough. Robbe’s heart told him he wanted Sander to come closer, while his head told him to ask for an explanation first. He knew he had fucked up, too, but somehow, he wanted Sander to be the one to be the first to own up to it. Simply because he was angry. And maybe even selfish. But fuck, right now, he couldn’t even think straight.

‘’Then tell me.’’

‘’I… it’s not that simple.’’ Sander stammered, looking at his feet, moving his hand to the back of his neck. Even though Sander was a head taller than him, he had never looked smaller than he did now.

‘’Fine. Then I guess we’re done here.’’ Robbe was being way too much of a drama queen, but somehow it just happened. He wasn’t sure whether this was the alcohol playing with his head or just the goddamn butterflies he wanted so badly to disappear right now. He didn’t want to give in. He needed Sander to be the first.

As Robbe turned around again, making an attempt to walk away, he was held back by a voice that almost sounded like a desperate scream. ‘’Because… _fuck!_ I’m bipolar, Robbe!’’

He stopped moving and turned back around.

‘’ _What?’’_

Sander sighed. ‘’My… my mom made you leave because I’m bipolar and she thinks you’ll have a bad influence on me.’’

‘’I-‘’ Robbe stepped closer, making the slight space between them even smaller. He studied Sander’s face, his eyes, his lips, the freckle on the side. He swallowed as realization hit him that he had missed him so fucking much, as well as realizing that Sander had missed him just the same, too.

‘’I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to feel rejected. My mom doesn’t know _shit_ , neither of my parents do. They always tell me nobody might love me because of my illness, or that they’ll have a hard time loving me.’’

‘’Sander…’’ His right hand moved to Sander’s cheek, as he caressed it with his thumb softly. Sander closed his eyes for a second, enjoying his touch that he had been missing for way too long. As he opened his eyes again, he moved his hand to cover Robbe’s, as he studied the brunet’s brown eyes from left to right.

‘’I was just scared that maybe… she was right.’’

Robbe shook his head and took another step closer, this time completely filling up the space between them. ‘’Sander, I would never…’’

‘’I know. _Fuck_ , I know. I’ve just been fucking stupid, okay? And I should’ve told you way sooner. But I just… I knew your life is shit enough already and I didn’t want to make it worse by giving you even more shit to deal with.’’

‘’Sander, your mental illness isn’t shit.’’

This time Sander was the one shaking his head, as he took a small step back again. ‘’Robbe…’’

‘’It’s not. Hey, look at me.’’ Robbe grabbed Sander’s face with both hands, moving it closer towards his own. ‘’It’s not. It’s a part of you, and it makes you who you are. And you’re so _fucking_ special.’’

Sander stayed quiet for a few seconds, just taking in Robbe’s face, enjoying the feeling of the brunet’s hands cupping his own. He smiled softly, scoffing in continuation. ‘’Says you.’’

‘’I’m serious, Sander.’’

‘’So am I.’’ It came out like a whisper, as Sander moved his forehead against Robbe’s, brushing his nose against the brunet’s. The way the blonde’s breath fell down on Robbe’s skin made him shiver in a way he didn’t know he had missed this much.

“I’m sorry for forgetting our date.’’ Robbe had never felt worse about himself. This entire time, Sander had indeed been hiding something from him, but it had never really been his own choice. His parents had made him believe that he wasn’t worth to be loved, resulting in a doubt that Robbe would end up thinking the same way. But he wouldn’t. Never. Not in this universe.

Sander scoffed. ‘’Don’t be. You had all the right to.’’

‘’No, Sander. Maybe if I hadn’t been so _fucking_ stupid, you would’ve told me this already and things would’ve never gone the way they did.’’

Sander moved his hands to Robbe’s waist, pulling him closer against his own body. The warmth that made Robbe feel was magical. ‘’So, you’re saying things weren’t going too fast for you?’’

Robbe frowned. ‘’What? God, no. It felt like it in the beginning, but… with you, things just happen. And they feel right. And that’s all that matters.’’

Sander bit his lower lip, a grin appearing on his face as he brushed his nose against Robbe’s another time. He moved his right hand to the brunet’s face, moving his thumb over his lower lip.

‘’So I’m taken then, hm?’’ Sander chuckled from Robbe’s question, never leaving the sight of his lips.

‘’That depends. Do you want to be?’’

Robbe smiled brightly as Sander’s thumb traced his laugh lines, then back to his upper lip, caressing it into the corner. ‘’Hm, that depends. Will it be by you?’’

Sander bit his lip again, nodding against Robbe’s forehead. ‘’ _Fuck_. Can I please kiss you know?’’

‘’Please, kiss me.’’

Sander moved his hands to cup Robbe’s face and pressed his lips against his in a whim. The kiss started of slowly, the two of them just taking each other in completely, breathing in the air around them to make sure they weren’t actually dreaming.

Robbe put both arms around Sander’s neck, standing on his tip toes to be able to reach his lips more easily. The blonde wrapped both arms around Robbe’s waist, lifting him up in response. They kissed as if their lives depended on it. As if they were each other’s oxygen and had drowned without the other during the past two weeks.

Sander’s tongue moved against Robbe’s lower lip, as the brunet gave him access and moaned into his mouth as the blonde pulled his hair. Robbe pressed himself against Sander more and more, wanting to be closer to him than he ever had been, never wanting to let go of him ever again. Sander’s mouth left Robbe’s lips to move his own to the brunet’s neck, leaving a path of wet, open-mouthed kisses from his ear all the way down to his collarbone. They didn’t give a shit they were standing outside on the streets for everyone to see. All they cared about right now was each other.

Robbe groaned. ‘’Sander, can we-‘’

‘’Hm?’’

‘’Can we _please_ go back to my place?’’

Sander let go of his neck, pressing his forehead against Robbe’s once again. He looked him in the eyes, observing them from left to right. ‘’Do you… want to-?’’

‘’Yes. Fuck, yes.’’ Sander giggled from Robbe’s obvious need, feeling the butterflies in his stomach fly around on a high speed. Because _fuck_ , he felt the exact same.

**

**Warning: The following part contains explicit content.**

**You can skip this if you want.**

As Robbe threw the door to his apartment open, never letting go of Sander, the two stumbled inside, almost tripping over each other’s feet. Sander pushed Robbe against the front door, making it close with a loud bang in result. Somehow, that only moved up the passion between the two even more.

Robbe immediately tugged Sander’s leather jacket, making it fall down onto the floor.

‘’Robbe-‘’

‘’Hm?’’ The brunet turned them around, pushing Sander against the wall next to the front door, kissing his neck, sucking the skin softly, resulting in a moan that made Robbe feel so many things at once. The fact he was able to have this influence on someone made him go absolutely crazy. As he moved his lips back to Sander’s, he also threw his own jacket off, right onto the floor.

‘’ _Fuck-_ I… wait…’’ Sander grabbed Robbe’s shoulders and stopped him, interrupting the sensation that was happening between the two of them.

‘’I just… how come that you live at this place?’’

Robbe’s heart skipped a beat. Fuck. He completely forgot that taking Sander to his apartment meant that he had to explain why he had his own in the first place. And he really didn’t feel like explaining now. Not when all he wanted to do was be with Sander.

‘’I’ll explain later, okay?’’ Robbe pressed his lips against Sander’s again, cupping his cheek to make sure he’d stay close to him. Yet, he still felt the blonde being resistant.

‘’Sander. _Please_.’’ He was being incredibly needy. But he didn’t give a shit. He had missed him for way too long, and definitely didn’t feel like discussing his shitty life right now.

‘’But- are you sure everything’s okay?’’

‘’Yes. Please, just… I just want you now, okay?’’ Sander grinned widely, as he nodded his head, pressing his forehead against Robbe’s. ‘’Okay, _bartender_.’’

As Sander finally pressed his lips against Robbe’s, closing the space between them again, Robbe grabbed him by his shirt to guide him towards his bedroom. Sander wrapped his arms around Robbe’s waist, lifting him up, to finally lay him down on the bed. He climbed on top of him, never making his hands leave Robbe’s body.

His hands moved over his chest, his arms, down to caress his hips. Robbe moaned as Sander dug his fingers into his skin, resulting in a groan from the blonde. ‘’I missed you so _fucking_ much.’’

Sander’s hot breath clashing against the skin in Robbe’s neck gave him goosebumps all over his body. He sat up a little bit, giving the blonde space to take off his t-shirt. Sander took off his own, too, moving himself down on Robbe again, making their chests touch. As Sander’s tongue discovered Robbe’s lips, then his mouth, then his neck, the blonde unbuttoned Robbe’s jeans, making his hand disappear underneath the edge.

Robbe moaned as Sander put his teeth around his earring, brushing his nose against the skin in his neck. ‘’ _Fuck,_ Sander… I need you.’’

The blonde moved up, pushing himself down to be able to take off Robbe’s jeans. As he threw them on the floor, he moved himself back onto Robbe’s hips, his hands disappearing underneath the edge of his boxers. Robbe groaned as Sander left a trail of soft kisses right above his most sensitive spot.

‘’Sander, _please-’’_ The blonde giggled, clearly enjoying the influence he had on him.

‘’What do you want me to do, bartender?’’ He asked, his voice sounding ignorant, pretending like he had no clue what Robbe wanted, even though he obviously knew so _damn_ well.

‘’I- _fuck,_ why are you such a tease?’’

Sander giggled again, grinning against the skin just below Robbe’s belly button. ‘’I just want to hear you say it.’’

He kissed him at the spot again, slightly more down every single time, never hitting the spot Robbe wanted him to hit so damn badly. ‘’So what is it?’’

Robbe moaned, grabbing the sheets with his fists, completely crushing them. ‘’I-‘’

‘’Hm?’’ Sander pulled his boxers down slowly, revealing more each second. Robbe’s mind was going completely crazy, his heart beating at a ridiculous speed.

‘’I- I want you to… _fuck._ Just go down on me, _please._ ’’

Suddenly, Sander moved up, leaning over Robbe’s face, as he brushed his nose against his. He left the softest kiss on his lips, making them linger on each other just a few seconds more.

‘’Are you sure?’’ Robbe looked up at him, observing the twinkle in his eyes, first the left, then the right. He couldn’t believe how he ever thought Sander wasn’t thoughtful, or didn’t care about him the way he hoped he did. They just looked at each other for a while, observing the other, saying nothing. But it was the kind of nothing that said everything.

Of course he was sure.

Sander smiled, brushing his nose against Robbe’s again. ‘’Okay, beautiful.’’

He called him beautiful as if it was his name, and Robbe was addicted to it. He said it as if it was something he wanted to keep safe and never let go ever again. Sander moved his thumb across Robbe’s cheek, caressing it, leaving a kiss on the tip of his nose.

He smiled, whispering: ‘’I love you.’’

Robbe caught his breath. He knew he was going to say it sometime. He knew he had said it before. But somehow, the words actually leaving his lips, him actually looking him straight into his eyes while saying it, made it sound and feel even more real. Sander was a dream that had become reality.

‘’I love you, too.’’ The two boys grinned at each other, as Sander put his lips back against Robbe’s. The kiss turned into passion gradually, as Sander’s hands started exploring Robbe’s body yet again. The blonde grabbed Robbe’s hands, placing them above his head, not making him able to move. He kissed him down his chest, letting go of his hands as he reached lower every second.

‘’Your wish is my command.’’ He whispered against his skin. He grabbed Robbe’s legs, pushing them aside for him to be able to lay down between them. ‘’ _Fuck,_ I can’t believe you’re mine.’’

Robbe moaned as he felt Sander’s lips taking him in, the warmth of his mouth completely taking him over, not being able to think, not being able to speak. It felt like the blonde set his entire body on fire.

As Sander moved up and down, Robbe kept groaning, not being sure how long he was gonna be able to last. He had been hard ever since Sander started kissing him at the club, and the entire teasing bit surely hadn’t helped either.

‘’ _Fuck,_ Sander, I’m-‘’ The blonde’s mouth let go, his hand now taking over to finish the job.

‘’I-‘’ And that was all Sander had to do. Robbe finished off all over his hand, the warm feeling in his gut taking over his entire body. He closed his eyes, trying to realize how this was actually happening, trying to come back to his senses at the same time.

**

‘ _’Fuck.’’_ Robbe sighed, staring at Sander as he climbed back on top, resting his head on Robbe’s bare chest.

Sander chuckled, leaving a kiss on his chest, drawing circles around the exact same spot. ‘’That was quick.’’

Robbe nudged him with his shoulder, moving his free hand through his bleached hair. He smiled, still trying to process what just happened. ‘’That was… amazing.’’

Sander looked up at him, reaching out to plant a kiss on his lips. He had a proud smile covering his face, and it was the most adorable thing Robbe had ever seen.

‘’Are you okay, though? Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?’’ Robbe rolled his eyes, not out of annoyance, but out of disbelief that Sander was so extremely _thoughtful_. Not that he didn’t appreciate it, though. In fact, he absolutely adored it. He just hoped overthinking didn’t make Sander feel bad.

‘’Sander, I’m _fine_.’’ Robbe put his finger underneath the blonde’s chin, making him look up at him in result. ‘’I promise.’’

‘’Okay.’’

As Sander continued drawing circles on Robbe’s chest, he looked around Robbe’s bedroom, taking it in completely. ‘’So, how come you live here on your own?’’

Robbe exhaled loudly. ‘’Damn, way to change the mood.’’

‘’Come on, Robbe. I just want to know more about you.’’

‘’I know, I know. It’s just… something I don’t like to talk about. That’s all.’’

Sander looked up, moving his fingers through the browns locks of Robbe’s hair that fell down on his still sweaty forehead. ‘’You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, or if you’re not ready.’’

‘’I’m ready. Fuck, I have never been more ready for anything than for you.’’

‘’Me neither.’’ It came out like a whisper, as if it was a promise that Sander felt the same. It was the last push Robbe needed, even so the most effective one. Suddenly, he didn’t feel scared anymore. He knew Sander wasn’t gonna leave him, let alone judge him. Sander would support him, his past and his present, and he would only encourage his future.

So fuck it.

‘’I live on my own because there wasn’t any room for me in the dorms. And my mom didn’t have enough money for one of the penthouses on the top floor, so I got this place instead.’’

‘’What? Just for free?’’

‘’I- I kind of have everything without having to pay for it. I just have to do some jobs in return.’’

Sander frowned, observing Robbe’s face as the brunet stared at the ceiling. ‘’I’m not following.’’

‘’When my parents split up, my mom wasn’t able to keep their company running. I tried to help her out, but I was too young to be of any use.’’

‘’The company my mom mentioned?’’

‘’Yes.’’

Sander nodded. ‘’Okay.’’

Robbe sighed, realizing the worst part of the story had yet to come. Where he had been so sure a few seconds ago, he suddenly felt extremely insecure now. But he couldn’t hold back now. He had already started it. ‘’That’s when it all turned to shit. The mayor shut the company down because he didn’t have any faith in my mom anymore.’’

Robbe could feel Sander moving upwards. ‘’ _What?’’_

‘’As she didn’t have an income, he gave her some kind of payment every month in return for what he ‘ _had to do_ ’. And then when I turned 18, he offered me a place here because my mom wasn’t able to pay for any college tuition. I just… have to do all kinds of shitty jobs in return, in order to be able to stay.’’ As Robbe continued, he noticed Sander sat up completely, his eyes turned wide.

‘’Are you serious?’’

‘’Hm-m. That’s… also why I forgot about our date two weeks ago. I was too afraid and embarrassed to tell you, but I was doing one of those jobs all night, which made me forget. Fuck, I fucking hate the Driesens and everything that’s connected to them. They pretty much ruined me and my mom’s life.’’

Sander stayed quiet, his mouth dropped open. He seemed to have noticed himself, as he quickly closed it again when Robbe looked at him. His eyes showed off an emotion Robbe once again wasn’t able to place.

‘’So yeah, that’s why I live here.’’ Robbe sat up too, placing himself in front of Sander. For some reason, he looked completely defeated, his eyes still showing off something, maybe it was concern, maybe it was anger.

Robbe grabbed Sander’s hands out of his lap, caressing his thumbs over both. ‘’I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.’’ 

Sander swallowed. ‘’It’s… okay.’’ His voice sounded raw, as if he had a lump in his throat that he wasn’t able to swallow away. He coughed, clearly taking notice of it, too.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Robbe questioned, studying his boyfriend’s face with concern. He knew his life was shitty, and that it must have been a surprise to him, but for some reason, something felt off.

‘’I- I’m fine. I just… I didn’t expect the mayor was treating you and your mom like that. That’s- that’s absolutely terrible.’’

‘’But it’s okay. I have you now.’’

Robbe could swear he saw tears in Sander’s eyes, but he blinked so rapidly that they disappeared right when he thought he saw them.

‘’Right.’’

Robbe moved forward, pressing a kiss to Sander’s forehead. ‘’Let’s just go to sleep, okay?’’

‘’Okay.’’ As Robbe still hadn’t let go of Sander’s hands, he pulled them towards him to be able to guide Sander next to him on the mattress. As they lied down, the brunet felt Sander wrapping his arms around his waist tightly, so tight, he almost wasn’t able to breathe.

‘’Robbe?’’

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’We’ll be together forever, right?’’

Robbe smiled, as he pulled Sander closer by his arm, caressing it with his free hand.

‘’Forever.’’

**

The next morning, as Robbe woke up, he opened his eyes to find the bright sunlight shining down through the curtains. Suddenly, the thought of last night entered his head again. Things were finally how he wanted it to be. How Sander hopefully wanted it to be, as well. They communicated, they were honest with each other and had nothing else to hide.

Robbe had never felt more lucky in his shitty life.

As he moved his hand to caress Sander’s arm still wrapped around his waist, he was surprised to not find his warm skin, but soft feeling of his own.

Robbe turned around immediately, trying to find Sander lying down next to him, maybe having turned around to face the other side of the bed. But he wasn’t there. Maybe he left the bed because he had to pee, or to get himself some breakfast.

The brunet stood up, opening the door of his bedroom, searching his entire apartment to hopefully find the presence of his bleached haired boyfriend in a room he didn’t expect.

But the longer Robbe searched, the more his hope disappeared.

Sander was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! wow, this chapter took me way longer than expected. not because it was hard to write, but because it was so much to write! i really like how this chapter turned out. sorry that it's late, i had exams so i had to study until tuesday. 
> 
> please let me know what you think about it in the comments, your feedback really keeps me going and i love to read your thoughts on things. did you like how it went? did you expect it? what are your thoughts and expectations for the next chapter? also, again, if you have certain requests for the rest of the story, let me know! i'll gladly take that with me.
> 
> thank you for reading, stay safe x


	5. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sander has a talk with his parents about Robbe. Meanwhile, Robbe himself visits a college party with Jens, while having no idea Sander is there, too. Sander disappears, and Senne reaches out to Robbe for help.

**SANDER’S POV**

**Robbe:** where are you?

 **Robbe:** sander? did you have somewhere to be?

 **Robbe:** sander, please let me know where you are, I’m worried

 **Robbe:** did I do something wrong?

 **Robbe:** or, say something wrong?

 **Robbe:** I miss you

 **Robbe:** please just, text me back okay?

_Fuck_.

Suddenly, it all made sense.

‘ _’Fuck, I fucking hate the Driesens and everything that’s connected to them.’’_

The way his mom’s mood changed as soon as she found out about Robbe’s last name. The way she had sent him away without a valid reason. The way she had blamed it all on his illness. The way Robbe didn’t live at the dorms. The way Robbe had to do a shitty job at the exact same moment he was supposed to have a date with him. The way Robbe worked at the night club almost every single night, having a daily job that no other student around here ever had. The way none of it had ever made any _fucking_ sense.

Sander couldn’t believe it. But at the same time, he could. When did his parents ever treat anyone normally? Sander himself had been the greatest example for what had been his entire teenage years. His parents, mostly his dad, only thought about business and making as much money as practically possible, no matter how many people they hurt in the process. Sander knew about this, Sander knew that’s what they did. He had always been raised by his parents telling him to choose himself first, to think about his future, to be ambitious and to not be afraid to hurt or lose others in the meantime. It had basically always been his parents’ entire purpose to hurt others in exchange for their own wealth and success.

But then their son turned out to have a mental illness. And their daughter happened to be different, too. And those were two things his parents never expected, neither did they know how to deal with it. And whenever his parents didn’t have a way of dealing with something, they quite simply got rid of it. Or them. Sander had always been so sure, so _extremely_ convinced that what happened to him had somehow also happened to his sister. He knew his parents weren’t that perceptive over his mental illness for no reason. He knew he couldn’t have been the first one. He just _knew_ a mental illness was what made his parents send his sister away. But they never told him. They always found a way to talk around it or change the subject. He had just always wondered why the same had never happened to him.

The only thing Sander didn’t know, was why out of all people, Robbe and his family had to be the ones having to deal with his parents’ bullshit. He couldn’t possibly understand why they deserved to be treated like this, or how his parents could ever want to in the first place.

No wonder Robbe hated his dad. No wonder he despised his entire family. They all fucking deserved it, yet, Sander himself happened to be a part of them, too, even though he had never really wanted to be.

And he hated himself for it. He hated himself for being a part of them. He hated himself for being related to them. He hated himself for staying with them, for going back to them again and again, no matter what they had done. He hated himself for not doing anything about it or stepping up. He hated himself for not knowing about the shit Robbe had been through because of his own _fucking_ family. He hated himself that he couldn’t have helped him, that he couldn’t have told him it was going to be okay. He hated himself for having been in love with him for _weeks,_ yet never having known that his parents had always wanted them to separate from the moment he brought him home.

He hated himself for being one of the people Robbe despised the most.

But most of all, he hated himself for being someone Robbe didn’t know he was.

Robbe had no idea his full name was Sander Driesen. Robbe had no idea he was a part of the reason that made his life miserable, that he was a part of _them_. And Robbe could never find out. If he did, he would most likely hate Sander forever. But he also couldn’t lead him on, or lie to him, he wouldn’t even be able to knowing what the truth was. Robbe didn’t deserve that. Robbe deserved better, way _fucking_ better.

So he just decided it was better he stayed away.

But not without taking his stand. Not without letting his parents know what they had caused. Not without finally stepping up to them, something he should’ve done _years_ ago. Not without telling them today was where it stopped. They really had crossed the line, and Sander hated himself for not having realized that sooner.

He threw open the front door to his parents’ house, stepping inside quickly to throw the door shut with as much racket as he did when he entered. He wanted them both to know he was home. He wanted them both to know he was completely, utterly _done_ with their bullshit.

And apparently, the amount of noise he made with his entrance had worked, as he saw his mom walking around the corner of the living room slowly, observing him from head to toe. ‘’Sander?’’

‘’What’s wrong?’’ At first, he wasn’t quite sure how she could see something was off, he thought that maybe it was just the way he had arrived, but then he realized the tears were streaming down from his face, right onto the marble, soulless floor.

‘’ _You_ did this.’’

His mom’s concerned look changed into a scared one. She knew exactly what he was on about, even if she pretended not to. Sander was smart enough to realize that by now. ‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Robbe, mom. I mean Robbe. Remember him?’’ His mom stared down at the floor, not saying anything in response. Again, the silence said everything. ‘’Of course you do.’’

‘’What’s happening here?’’ Sander looked up to see his dad walking down the stairs, clearly having taken notice of Sander’s presence.

‘’Oh, great. You’re right on time for the conversation we’re about to have.’’

‘’What’s wrong, son?’’

‘’Don’t you dare call me your son. I’m so fucking done with all of your _bullshit_.’’

His mom stepped closer, trying to grab ahold of his arm. ‘’Sander, you are _lashing_ -‘’

‘’ _No,_ mom! I am _not_ lashing out.’’ He shook her hand off of his arm quickly, releasing himself from her grip as he took a step back. ‘’This _isn’t_ my illness! _This_ is things finally making sense. This is me finally figuring out that the shit you’ve been doing has lasted way too long. The two of you have ruined people’s lives and the worst thing is that you’re just getting away with it.’’

His dad frowned, his mouth almost dropping open out of confusion. ‘’What are you even saying?’’

It didn’t even surprise Sander his dad had no clue what was going on. He had been ruining people’s lives and messing with them for so long now that it had become a habit, so much that he probably didn’t even realize he was still doing it in the first place. Or he just pretended he didn’t have a clue. That wouldn’t surprise him either.

‘’Robbe told me everything. About his mom’s company, about you taking away their income, about you offering him a place at your corrupt college in exchange for doing shitty tasks for you. Do you have any idea how _sick_ that sounds? Do you have any idea how much you’ve _ruined_ his life?’’

His dad blinked rapidly. Now he didn’t just realize what was going on, but he also understood that he wasn’t going to get away with it. ‘’Robbe had a _choice_ -‘’

‘’Did he? Did he choose for you to take away his mom’s only source of income? Did he choose for you to blackmail him in exchange for a college tuition? Did he choose for you to make his life become _hell_ at the age of twelve?’’

‘’Robbe is obviously just telling you lies, Sander. We had conversations about this where both him and his mom agreed that they wanted this.’’

Sander scoffed. Of course his dad was telling him Robbe was lying to him. As if he would ever admit to the mistakes he had made. To him they weren’t even mistakes, they were just a part of the power he had that he eagerly wanted to show off. ‘’As if they had another choice.’’

‘’There’s always another choice.’’

‘’Not when there’s you taking them away from them.’’ Sander swallowed after his sentence, realizing that he was finally saying the things he should’ve said ages ago, but always had been too afraid to actually have the guts to say them. And fuck, the confidence it gave him made him feel like he was able to take on the entire world.

‘’Sander, you need to watch your words.’’ The offended, strict look on his dad’s face was actually quite hilarious. He had probably never expected Sander to be able to say this, yet, proving him wrong was something he didn’t know felt this good.

It made him feel _so_ good, that he even thought of other things to bring up while he was at it anyway, his invincible feeling taking him over completely.

‘’Or what? You’re gonna send me away just like my sister?’’

Silence fell for a few seconds. He actually said that.

‘’ _Excuse me?’’_

‘’That’s what you did, isn’t it? She was mentally ill just like me, you treated her the way you’re always treating me and when she realized that what you were doing was absolutely _absurd_ you sent her away. As if she never even existed.’’

Sander’s mom walked up closer to him again, lifting up her hands in despair, probably having no clue what to do to make things right. ‘’We would never do that-‘’

‘’Wouldn’t you? Then how come I don’t know her? How come I never got the chance to, as if you wanted to protect me from her? How come I don’t know where she is, as if you have no clue either? How come you _always_ change the subject when I bring her up, as if you’ve got something to hide? How come that after all these years, I don’t even know her fucking _name?’’_

His dad walked up to his mom, grabbing her hands that were still reaching out to Sander. ‘’This isn’t about her, Sander.’’

‘’You’re right. This isn’t. It never was and it never will be, as the both of you would never admit to the mistakes and bad decisions you’ve made.’’ Sander looked at his parents one more time, the silence suddenly speaking extremely loud, as he used his sleeve to wipe away his tears and moved past them to walk up the stairs.

‘’Where are you going?’’ His mom’s voice was shaking, clearly emotionally loaded, as if she was holding back a breakdown she didn’t want her son to see. It made Sander feel bad, as he knew his mom had always tried to take care of him, even of his sister when she was still here. But even though she had always meant certain things well, she had never told her husband off for the ridiculous things he did. So even though he loved her, she needed to know things had gone too far for too long now.

The blonde stopped walking and sighed, turning himself towards his parents one more time. ‘’To my room, to grab my stuff. I’m leaving.’’

And then his mom broke down. Sander felt a sting in his stomach, it hurt him to see her this way. But maybe this needed to happen. Maybe this meant she finally realized the consequences of their actions, especially now that even her own son had had enough.

‘’If you leave, I won’t pay for your dorm room anymore. Or your tuition.’’ His dad looked up at him, his face completely emotionless, as if he didn’t care at all, not even about his wife crying next to him.

‘’Paul, you can’t do that-‘’

‘’As if you ever cared about my tuition. You never even fucking tried to show interest in any of my art.’’ It was the cold, hard truth. His dad had never even seen one of his paintings. He had always told him it was meaningless, that it wouldn’t earn him any money and that it would ruin his future.

‘’Sander, we _care_ about you.’’ It was quite funny how his mom continuously tried to save the conversation, while his dad couldn’t care less. He knew she cared about him. But he also knew his dad didn’t.

‘’Well, I care about Robbe. And as long as you won’t own up to the things you did, I’m not gonna waste my time trying to hide them for you.’’

He turned around again, walking up the stairs to find his room. And even though the sting in his stomach hadn’t disappeared, he had never felt more invincible.

**

It had been two days since Robbe spoke to Sander last. It had been two days since they had reunited after _weeks_ , two days since they had finally, officially gotten together. It had been two days since Robbe opened up about his past and present, after weeks of doubt, being afraid that Sander was going to despise him or dislike him just like everyone else did when they had found out. And for one moment, Robbe had had hope. Hope that Sander was different. But now, it had been two days since Sander left without even saying a _word_ , without ever letting him know what was wrong or what had happened. It had been two days since Robbe’s worst nightmare had become reality.

Robbe knew he didn’t know anything for sure. He knew that Sander could have a different reason to stay away. But the fact that Sander hadn’t reached out anymore at _all_ , convinced Robbe that this had to be the reason. It wasn’t the first time this happened to him, after all. He knew what it felt like to be turned down. He just didn’t know that when Sander was the one doing it, the ache in his stomach hit about a thousand times worse than it usually did.

He let himself slide down on the edge of the sidewalk on campus, kicking away a plastic bottle in desperation. He groaned, grabbing ahold of his hair with both hands, pulling it, hoping the pain would be worse than the sting he felt inside of his body.

‘’Hey, what’s wrong?’’ Robbe let go of his brown locks to be able to stare upwards, realizing Jens had probably been observing him all this time.

The brunet sighed, realizing he hadn’t told his best friend about anything that had happened. He felt quite bad about it, but he had never really found a good moment to. When he was with Sander, his mind was completely taken over by him. And when Sander had left, Robbe had just preferred not talking about it at all.

‘’Some things have happened.’’ Wow, what a way to be specific.

‘’Okay… go on.’’

‘’The night you told me to go out, I went to the club and Sander was there, too. He got jealous because he saw me dancing with another guy and he basically told him to fuck off. We… talked. About a lot of things. And… we made it official.’’

Jens raised his eyebrows, moving back a bit, smiling brightly in continuation. ‘’Really? That’s great, dude. See, that’s why you always have to listen to me.’’

‘’You told me he wasn’t right for me.’’

Jens laughed, shaking his head. ‘’True. But I did tell you to go out. And look where that got you.’’

Robbe stayed silent, breaking eye contact with Jens to look at the asphalt underneath his feet. Jens studied his face, slowly realizing that ‘’where that got you’’ meant Robbe sitting on a sidewalk with his hands pulling his hair. It didn’t look very positive.

‘’So… what’s wrong now?’’

‘’’We went to my place afterwards, and I told him about my shitty past and the things I have to do now to be able to stay in college. He looked… defeated when I told him, which I didn’t really understand. I thought maybe he just felt very bad for me. But then the next morning, he was gone.’’

‘’ _Gone?_ As in, he just left?’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’What the fuck.’’ Jens put both hands on his knees, shaking his head from left to right. Robbe knew that every single time he talked to him about Sander, it was about something negative, so the image Jens had of him wasn’t exactly correct. Sander wasn’t a bad person, if anything, he was the greatest person Robbe had ever met. He just… had a hard time communicating. Probably.

‘’I’m sure he had a good reason. I just wish he would tell me.’’

‘’He hasn’t contacted you _again?’’_

‘’No.’’

Jens sighed, taking his hand off of his right knee to be able to look at Robbe and observe him. Robbe looked back, their eyes locking, not being sure what Jens was thinking of in this moment. His best friend suddenly moved, grabbing a package of weed from his pocket, rolling himself a joint and lighting it. As he took a drag, blowing the smoke out afterwards, he handed the joint to Robbe, finally sharing his thoughts with him.

‘’There’s a college party on campus tonight. We should go.’’ Wow, that was random, and definitely not the reply Robbe had expected.

‘’What?’’

‘’We should go. Have some fun. We can talk about Sander all we want, but it’s not gonna change anything if he’s not reaching out to you. So let’s take your mind off of him instead.’’

Robbe didn’t want to take his mind off of him. But at the same time, he had to, and Jens had a point. If Sander wasn’t gonna reply to him anyway, then why would he sit around and wait for it?

He took a drag from Jens’ joint, taking his time to blow the smoke out, as if he let his best friend’s words sink in a little more.

‘’You’re right.’’

Jens laughed as he patted him on his shoulder. ‘’I know.’’

**

**SANDER’S POV**

Of course, Sander had let himself be talked into going to another party yet again. He felt like absolute shit, but nonetheless, Senne still tried to take him under his wing every single _damn_ time.

He hadn’t talked to his parents or Robbe in two days, trying to take a distance from the both of them by staying inside of his dorm and avoiding any form of social contact. Regarding his parents, especially his dad, he tried to stay away from them for good, whereas with Robbe, he was just giving him the distance he deserved. He knew he was probably being selfish for not just telling Robbe the truth, way too afraid of his reaction, but somehow, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t bear the thought of Robbe hating him and removing himself out of his life. So instead, he just did it for him. He was actually such a fucking _pussy_.

And instead of telling Robbe the truth, he was now standing at a college campus party, going outside for the first time in two days, not even enjoying himself at the very least. Senne tried, so hard, to make Sander smile and let him have fun, but nothing worked. Last time, the alcohol seemed to be a good option to take Sander’s mind off of things, but today, he didn’t want to. He had always wanted to be good for Robbe as soon as he laid eyes on him, but now that he knew the truth, he wanted to be good even more so. And he didn’t allow himself to take his mind off of things now. He didn’t even deserve to.

‘’You know, Sander, you’re being way too hard on yourself.’’ Sander looked up from the stone bench he was sitting on, as his best friend settled himself down next to him, pushing a cup of punch into Sander’s hand.

‘’And why is that?’’

‘’I don’t know what happened between you and Robbe, but I feel like you’re keeping yourself away from him on purpose.’’

Sander frowned, taking a sip from his cup. ‘’You’ve got me all figured out, don’t you?’’

‘’Well, it’s not that hard, considering you’ve been staring at him the entire evening already instead of just walking up to him.’’

And Senne was right.

Robbe probably had no idea Sander was here, but Sander definitely knew Robbe was. He had placed himself on the bench right across from the lawn he knew Jens and Robbe were always sitting together, just far enough for Robbe to not be able to notice him. He had put on the hood of his grey sweater, just to make sure his bleached hair wouldn’t stand out enough for the brunet to still see him through the crowd.

And fuck, seeing him with Jens hurt him in every single way possible. But somehow, he just couldn’t look away.

‘’What happened between you two, anyway? I thought you texted me that you stayed over at his two days ago.’’

‘’I did. But things got fucked up.’’

Senne almost spat out his drink, clearly being taken aback from the bumpy ride Sander and Robbe’s relationship was. And he had all the right to be surprised, it wasn’t like things had been going very well from the start. ‘’ _Already?_ How come?’’

‘’I found out my dad has been blackmailing him and his mom. He told me he hates the Driesens, having no clue I am one, too.’’

Senne dropped his cup, astonishment taking him over completely. It took him almost a minute to realize the mess he had made. His pants were soaking, sticking to his legs from the sugar the punch was filled with. He was swearing to himself, trying to dry them up with the sleeves of his red college sweater, stopping when he realized it only made things worse.

‘’What the actual _fuck?’’_ It was a sentence that pretty much described Sander’s mood these days.

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’So what happened when you found out?’’

Sander sighed, thinking back about the things he did, hating himself for it once again. ‘’I left the next morning. I went home to tell my parents how fucked up they were, and then I grabbed my stuff and left.’’

‘’So you just… left Robbe behind?’’

‘’Uh… yeah.’’

Senne scoffed, clearly not understanding Sander’s actions. ‘’Without telling him why?’’

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’Sander.’’

‘’ _What?’’_

Senne covered his face with both hands, groaning in continuation, as if he had been trying to explain something for hours, yet Sander still didn’t understand. ‘’Come _on_ , man. You can’t leave Robbe out of this. He deserves to know, he has the right to.’’

‘’I know he does. I’m just scared that when he finds out I’m a part of them, he’ll hate me forever.’’

‘’Do you really think he’s gonna hate you just because of your last name?’’

Sander shook his head as he played with his fingernails. ‘’No, he’s gonna hate me because I’m related to the people who have the same one.’’

His best friend sighed, moving himself towards him on the bench, putting one hand on his shoulder to make sure he felt supported. ‘’Sander, you really need to get a grip. You and I both know you have nothing to do with your dad or his actions. Robbe isn’t _stupid_ , the guy has enough brains to realize that you’re nothing like him.’’

‘’I hope so.’’

‘’Don’t you trust him?’’

Sander nodded immediately. ‘’I do.’’

‘’Well, then what’s the problem?’’

The blonde looked up, staring at Robbe in the distance, as he saw him lying down in Jens’ lap. The two boys laughed, touching each other, looking at each other. He knew it probably meant nothing. He knew the both of them were probably just drunk, enjoying themselves in a way Sander wanted Robbe to. He deserved to be happy. He deserved to live his life to the fullest, especially after everything his family had put him through. He deserved someone who made him laugh, he deserved someone supporting him through thick and thin even if things were tough, he deserved someone who made him feel like he was the only one that mattered in the entire world. As he observed them, Sander knew that he wasn’t the one who could give him that. He would only hurt him, in ways he knew Robbe didn’t deserve. Robbe deserved the world, and even though that’s what Robbe had become for him, he had to let him go. Robbe deserved Jens. A friend, maybe more. Someone who was able to give him everything, unconditionally.

Sander scoffed slightly as he looked down, focusing his look on his fingers once again.

‘’Nothing.’’

‘’Right. Just tell him, man. Because the guy has no clue what’s going on in your head right now. For all you know, he thinks this is _his_ fault. I think that makes him feel worse than whatever the truth will make him feel eventually.’’

And even though Sander wanted to believe him, even though he wanted to say _so_ badly that he was right and feel it even more so- he didn’t. He just couldn’t help but feel that reaching out to him was only gonna make things worse. For him, but mostly for Robbe.

He looked up at the lawn one more time, seeing Robbe dance with a cup of beer in his hand, Jens’ hand in his other.

He smiled, _genuinely_. Even from this distance he could tell he was looking incredibly happy.

So Sander decided that, for Robbe’s happiness, it was better to just stay away.

**

It had been three days since Robbe spoke to Sander last. Where Robbe had felt insecure a day ago, thinking this was all his fault, thinking Sander thought differently of him now that he knew the truth, he felt incredibly worried now, not being sure why Sander wasn’t even responding to his texts.

Because even though he hadn’t known Sander for that long, he knew he could never hate Robbe. It took him a few days to realize he was wrong, but he just knew that whatever was happening was something connected to Sander, and not to him. Whether he was blaming himself for something or hiding something from him- he _knew_ Sander would never hate him. He knew he would never think differently of him, especially not when he was finally being honest.

Sander _loved_ him, he had meant it when he said it. He knew Sander well enough to know that what was happening now, wasn’t something he blamed Robbe for. He was blaming _himself_ for whatever it was, and that’s why he was staying away from him. And _fuck_ , he had never been more worried in his entire life.

And Robbe was tired of waiting. He wasn’t going to hold back and wait for Sander to finally respond. He had to be the one to step up this time, he had no right and no time to be selfish. Something could’ve actually happened to him, and the fact Robbe just let that go for two days straight made him feel incredibly guilty.

So today, he went to the dorm rooms, searching for Sander’s, hoping, _praying_ that he’d finally find him there, to be able to tell him everything was going to be okay, to tell him he shouldn’t blame himself for whatever it was and that Robbe was never going to leave his side.

But when he knocked on the door, the person who opened it wasn’t the bleached guy Robbe wanted to see so badly, but a brown-haired one, slightly smaller than Sander, but even more muscular. Robbe recognized him immediately. Not from his appearance, but from the stories Sander had told him.

‘’Hi.’’ Robbe’s voice sounded soft, as if he was a little kid speaking to an adult for the first time. It was actually quite embarrassing.

‘’Hello?’’ The guy’s voice sounded questioning, which was fair enough, as he probably had no clue who Robbe was and what he was doing there in the first place. But Robbe knew who _he_ was very well.

‘’You’re Senne, right?’’

The brunet nodded slowly, opening the door a little further, as his eyes observed Robbe from head to toe. ‘’Wait. You must be… Robbe?’’

‘’Yes, I am.’’

Senne exhaled loudly. ‘’Fuck, I’m glad you came by. Come in.’’

As he opened the door completely, stepping aside to make room for Robbe to walk in, the brunet observed the dorm, it being less messy than Robbe had expected it to be, yet, very… Sander. There were paintings everywhere, his clothes neatly folded on his bed, almost every single thing being black and white. It screamed Sander so much, that he wondered if Senne had ever had a say in the design. Or he just happened to like black and white, too, of course. They were best friends, after all.

Robbe couldn’t help but question why Senne said he was glad he came by. He most likely didn’t even know who he was, so why did he want him to? ‘’What’s… wrong?’’

He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to know or not, simply because he knew this had to be Sander related. His heart started beating faster- so fast, he was scared it would jump out of his chest.

‘’Sander didn’t come home last night.’’

Robbe stopped walking around, turning himself to face Senne, his fast heartbeat suddenly changing into dead silence. ‘’ _What?’’_

‘’We went to the college party on campus. He told me he was going home early, but when I got here, he wasn’t there. When I woke up this morning, there was still no sign of him.’’

Wait, Sander was at the college party, too? How come he hadn’t seen him? Honestly, how ignorant was he? Robbe could’ve easily spotted him, if only he hadn’t been so drunk and focusing himself on Jens the entire time. It suddenly hit him that, even though he hadn’t seen Sander, Sander must’ve probably seen him. Him _and_ Jens. Robbe was actually such a fucking idiot, no wonder Sander hadn’t come home after seeing Robbe lying down in Jens’ lap. He must’ve thought Robbe had moved on already, as if he had never spent any time on thinking about Sander and why he left. ‘’Do you have any clue where he could’ve gone?’’

‘’I- I don’t know. All I know is that he posted a picture on Instagram an hour ago, with some kind of random caption that I didn’t understand shit of. I tried calling him but he doesn’t pick up.’’ Senne stammered, grabbing his phone from his pocket. Robbe frowned, questioning what ‘’a random caption’’ could possibly refer to.

‘’What did the caption say?’’

Senne moved closer to him, opening the app on his phone. ‘’Here, I’ll show you.’’

As Senne looked for Sander’s profile, Robbe couldn’t help but smile when he saw his username. _Earthlingoddity_. He didn’t really know what it meant, but the butterflies in his stomach really wanted to find out so badly. His entire aesthetic was black and white, he had mostly posted pictures of art and architecture with some selfies in between. He suddenly saw pictures of Sander he had never seen before, and he looked absolutely _gorgeous_. Fuck, how he missed him. How he wanted to hold him. How he wanted to kiss him so _damn_ badly.

He was taken out of his thoughts as Senne showed him his last post. Robbe’s heart stopped beating for a second as he realized what the post showed. It was a picture of the painting Robbe had found underneath the blanket in Sander’s bedroom. _I saw you standing there, in the moonlight, and I just knew you were the one_.

Robbe swallowed as his eyes started watering when he read the caption.

_I’m sorry._

‘’I… I didn’t want to say it, but, I think the caption is aimed towards you.’’

Robbe nodded. ‘’I think you’re right.’’

‘’Do you-‘’ As Robbe wanted to ask Senne another question, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Immediately, he had hope Sander finally reached out, but of course, when he unlocked his phone all of his hopes and dreams were crashed right away. It wasn’t him. In fact, out of all people, he got an email from the mayor asking him to come by at his office. _It’s important._

‘’Is it Sander?’’

Robbe shook his head, thinking of an excuse to make sure he wouldn’t have to tell Senne about the details of his life. He knew he could probably trust him, as Sander did too, but somehow Robbe still didn’t feel quite comfortable with sharing it. ‘’No, it’s… it’s nothing. I’ll let you know if I hear anything from him, okay?’’

‘’Okay, I’ll do the same. Here’s my number.’’

Robbe smiled, grabbing a piece of paper from Senne’s hand, his phone number written down on it, as he nodded as a thank you, walking back to the front door of the dorm to head home. ‘’Thanks. Bye.’’

‘’Robbe?’’ The brunet was stopped by a hand on his shoulder, making him turn around again.

‘’Yeah?

‘’It… was nice meeting you. Sander has told me a lot about you, and… you seem like a great guy. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time. You two really deserve each other.’’

The brunet smiled again, more brightly and honest this time. Senne was a great guy, no wonder him and Sander were best friends. ‘’It was nice meeting you, too.’’

**

Robbe waited. And waited. It felt like he had been waiting for hours.

He was sitting inside of the waiting room of the mayor’s office, still not being sure whatever was about to happen. Until now, he had never wanted him to actually come by. He had never wanted to discuss one of the jobs face to face, or to even get into detail about them at all in the first place. And even if things needed an explanation, he made sure others gave it to him, as he probably wanted to avoid Robbe as much as possible.

So why was he here now? Was he gonna kick him out? Did he do anything wrong in the first place? Or was he gonna tell him that whatever Robbe was doing, wasn’t enough to keep him here, which meant he had to do even more? He had absolutely no clue. All he knew was that it was ‘’important’’, and that it made him incredibly anxious to not know what the guy who ruined his life was gonna tell him this time.

Robbe looked up as the door to the office finally opened, the mayor standing at the doorstep.

‘’Come in.’’ The brunet nodded, standing up slowly from the chair he waited in for what felt like hours. He shuffled into the office slowly, not being sure what to say or how to act, only knowing he felt his entire body shaking because of how nervous he was. He just hoped it wasn’t showing off, as that would maybe make the mayor feel even more powerful. And if that were the case, Robbe surely didn’t stand a chance at all.

‘’Take a seat.’’ Robbe looked at the two seats in front of the mayor’s desk, as the older man himself took place behind it in the meantime. He sat himself down on the left one, as he observed the mayor’s face, not being ready at all for whatever was about to come.

‘’I’m sorry to bother you like this. I… I just had a question that I had to ask in person.’’ Robbe frowned. A question? In person? What kind of question? At least that meant it wasn’t going to be a lecture or another one of his shitty tasks. Right?

‘’It’s about Sander.’’

Robbe scoffed, his frown turning more confused as the seconds passed. He literally had no clue where this was going now. ‘’ _Sander?’’_

‘’Yes. You and him were- _are…_ together, right?’’

‘’Eh, I guess so. Why?’’ Why the fuck was the mayor asking him about his love life? Wasn’t he allowed to have one of those either? And how did he even know about him and Sander in the first place? In fact, why was he even bringing Sander up right now? Did something happen to him? Fuck, now his anxiety made place for an amount of worry, instead. His emotions changed so rapidly, he wasn’t even sure about what he was feeling anymore by now.

‘’Sander hasn’t come home for quite a while, and… his mom and I are worried.’’

Robbe’s heart skipped a beat. As the mayor spoke his last sentence, the brunet’s eyes travelled across the room, observing the photo frames the older man had put in them. On every single picture it showed a man and a woman, the same man that had ruined Robbe’s life, the same woman Robbe had met that one afternoon where things had become so bad so quickly. The same woman who had sent him away without a valid reason, the reason that turned out to be Sander’s bipolarity afterwards. The woman who had recognized him, saying she knew him from the company his parents used to own.

But they weren’t the only ones on the pictures.

Right next to them stood a boy, brown-haired on most of them, him being younger on one picture, older on the other, with a smile that Robbe would recognize out of anywhere.

_Sander._

‘’W- wait, Sander is your _son?’’_

The mayor nodded. ‘’Yes. Didn’t he tell you?’’

Robbe swallowed, as every single thing in his head slowly but finally started to make sense. ‘’N- no.’’

His mom didn’t recognize him from his parents’ company, she recognized him because she obviously knew the deal her husband had with Robbe. She didn’t send him away because of Sander’s bipolarity, she sent him away because Robbe was a _burden,_ a danger that could possibly reveal all of their family’s secrets, a risk that Sander didn’t know he was taking.

Sander _did_ leave because of the things Robbe told him. Not because it changed the way he looked at him, but because he figured out that his own family was treating him the way they were. Sander left because Robbe said he _hated_ them, while he was a part of them himself, as well. Sander left because he got afraid that, even though he obviously had nothing to do with any of it himself, Robbe would hate him once he found out he was a Driesen, too.

All of it made sense. It made sense why Sander left. It made sense why Sander looked as defeated as he did once Robbe told him about his situation. It made sense why his mom made Robbe leave. It made sense why Sander’s caption said ‘’I’m sorry’’. It made sense why Sander said he _hated_ his dad, why he said that he always ruined everything for everyone. Sander was a _Driesen_ , and Robbe had literally told him he hated him without realizing he did.

‘ _’Fuck.’’_ Robbe stood up quickly, running towards the door of the office without granting the mayor as much as one look, making his way outside in no-time. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, dialing Sander’s number as quickly as he possibly could.

He waited. And waited. Beep after beep, for Sander to finally pick up.

‘’Come on. _Fuck!_ Pick up, please.’’

But he didn’t. ‘’ _Hi, this is Sander. I’m not here, clearly. Leave a message if you want to.’’_

‘’Sander, I’m so sorry. I know what’s going on. I know you’re a part of them. _Fuck,_ I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I didn’t know- _God,_ just, please call me back when you hear this? We need to talk. I’m so worried about you. I’m so _fucking_ sorry.’’

He ended the call, as he stared at his screen for what felt like another few minutes. He hoped Sander would listen to it immediately. He hoped he was gonna call him back. He hoped he would at least text him whether he was okay.

But nothing happened. Nothing at all.

Robbe sighed as he sat himself down on the edge of the sidewalk. He groaned loudly, pulling the strands of his brown hair, dropping his phone in the process. ‘’ _Fuck!’’_

How could he have been so _stupid?_ He should’ve connected the dots as soon as Sander left the next morning. He should’ve considered right away that there was a chance that Sander left because of something going on with _him_ instead of with Robbe. He didn’t know whether to feel mad or disappointed, or maybe just a mixture of both. That’s the least he deserved.

He picked up his phone from the street, his screen completely crashed, silently scolding at himself for being so incredibly senseless. He unlocked his phone which, surprisingly enough, still worked, and opened his contacts to reach out to Senne instead.

‘’Hey, dude. What’s up?’’ Finally. Fucking finally, someone who picked up and could help Robbe out of this mess.

‘’I think I know why Sander left.’’

‘’What? Why?’’

‘’Long story short, I’ve had a pretty shitty past with the mayor, which I told Sander about the last night I saw him. I told him how much I hated him and his family, but I didn’t know Sander was a Driesen, too.’’

‘’Oh, fuck. So you found out. Sander… told me about everything that had happened, but he didn’t want me to tell you. I just didn’t think he left because of that.’’

Robbe stayed silent, realizing Senne apparently knew about everything already, but also not wanting to interfere in his business, as well as not wanting to waste time on a question and answer about his relationship with Sander. He now knew Sander and him talked about everything that had happened, which surprised him enough already.

‘’So you’re saying that his last caption was indeed directed to you?’’ Senne continued, as he noticed Robbe stayed silent, probably thinking he didn’t know what to say. And he was right. The caption _was_ directed to Robbe. Of course it was. And of course Sander was sorry. The guy blamed himself for being a part of a family he didn’t even want to be a part of. He probably always had, but now that he knew about Robbe’s situation, he probably blamed himself even more so.

‘’It must have been.’’

‘’Shit. But it’s no wonder he left after you said you hated his entire family. If anyone hates them the most, it’s Sander himself, as he is a part of them even though he really doesn’t want to be. Now that he knows that his dad also messed with you, he probably hates himself, too. No offense.’’ Senne literally took the words right out of his mouth. Which, in some way, was a good thing, as he quite literally just confirmed Robbe’s thoughts.

‘’None taken.’’

‘’Have you tried calling him again?’’ Of course Robbe had. So many times that he had lost count by now. He was sure Sander had noticed, there literally was no other way.

‘’Yes, he doesn’t pick up.’’

Senne groaned. ‘’Fuck, we need to find him, Robbe.’’

‘’I know. Are you sure that picture he posted doesn’t lead us anywhere?’’

‘’Pff, I wouldn’t know how. For all we know, he developed that picture ages ago.’’

Robbe moved his head back out of confusion. ‘’Developed? How do you mean developed?’’

‘’The picture he took? It looks like it was taken in some kind of dark room. You know, where people develop those old pictures.’’ Senne replied as if it was something Robbe should’ve known already, yet, he obviously didn’t.

‘’Wait, are you telling me that all this time you knew this picture was taken in some kind of dark room?’’

‘’Yes?’’

Robbe closed his eyes, sighing in continuation. ‘’Senne, that could literally lead us to where he might be.’’

‘’Oh.’’

At least, this could kind of lead them somewhere now. Developing pictures wasn’t something you did at home, anyway. You really needed to go to a professional place. ‘’Do you know any places where he used to go to develop pictures?’’

‘’He used to work in the photography store downtown. I think that’s where he still develops them.’’

Robbe groaned, using his free hand for a facepalm. ‘’ _Senne!_ You’re telling me you knew this the entire time but never connected those dots?’’

‘’I- no?’’ As much as Robbe would’ve laughed at his stupidity normally, he really didn’t think of it as funny right now. If Senne had connected this yesterday, he maybe could’ve found Sander sooner than he expected.

But that wasn’t of any use right now. ‘’I’m going there right now.’’

‘’Okay, but- Robbe?’’

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’Please, be gentle with him. That’s what he needs right now.’’

‘’I will.’’

**

Robbe stormed inside of the photography store as an idiot, not even once thinking about people seeing him or thinking things about him. He didn’t give a shit, all he cared about right now was finding Sander, telling him it was okay, and taking him home with him to make sure he felt loved.

But, to Robbe’s disappointment, there was nobody inside of the store, except for a tall guy standing behind the cashier. ‘’Hi, can I help you?’’

Robbe walked up to him slowly, catching his breath in the meantime, having none left from the rush he used to be able to get here as soon as possible. ‘’I… uh… I’m looking for someone.’’

The guy nodded. ‘’Okay, who?’’

‘’S… Sander.’’

‘’Sander? How do you know him?’’

Robbe shuffled on his feet, observing them as he did so. He cleared his throat and blushed, the words he wanted to say still feeling way too surreal to even produce. ‘’He’s… my boyfriend.’’

The guy behind the cashier smiled like an idiot and let out a long ‘’aw’’, as he walked towards Robbe to observe him from up close. ‘’I always knew Sander had good taste.’’

‘’Thank you?’’ Robbe observed himself as far as he could, supposing that being ‘’good taste’’ was quite a big compliment.

‘’Anyway, about Sander. He told me not to tell anyone, but I suppose I can’t hold this information back from you. He’s been staying here for the night, he’s in the back. Apparently, he had some big family troubles and he wasn’t able to go home. I wonder why he didn’t go to you instead, though. I’m Milan, by the way.’’ Milan reached out his hand, shaking Robbe’s, the brunet himself being quite taken aback from the things he just told him. Sander had no idea where to go, he didn’t even feel safe enough to reach out to Robbe, so he decided to sleep in a photography store? Fuck, Robbe had never felt more guilty in his entire life. ‘’I’m Robbe.’’

Robbe turned himself towards the door that led to the back, making a gesture to silently ask if it was okay to go there. Milan nodded in confirmation. ‘’Go. Don’t tell him I told you he was there, though. He’ll kill me.’’

Robbe smiled, appreciating that Sander at least felt safe enough to stay with Milan, appreciating that Milan was enough of a good person to allow him to stay with him and make him feel safe. However worried Robbe had been, at least Sander had been in good hands the entire night.

He walked up to the door to open it, as he walked further into the back to finally find the door that said ‘’dark room’’, knowing it was the place where Sander had spent his time. As he opened it, he immediately found the bleached locks he had missed so much sitting behind a desk in the back of the room.

‘’Sander?’’ The bleached guy looked up, his face completely emotionless, as he observed Robbe from head to toe without saying a word. Robbe walked up to him slowly, reaching out his hands to him. But Sander moved back, stepping off of his chair to be able to take a step back from Robbe. ‘’Sander, I-‘’

‘’Please, leave.’’ Robbe’s heart broke from how incredibly sad Sander sounded.

But he held his own emotions back, making sure that Sander feeling better was the main priority right now. ‘’No, I’m not leaving.’’

Sander shook his head, as he let himself fall back against the wall. ‘’Robbe, you need to stay away from me.’’

‘’And why is that?’’

‘’ _Because_. My entire family is toxic, they ruined your life. Who says I won’t make it worse?’’ The blonde let himself slide down onto the ground through the wall he stood against, as he buried his face in his both hands.

Robbe walked up to him, kneeling right in front of him, giving him enough space to make him feel comfortable. However much he wanted him back, he didn’t want to push him either. ‘’Sander. You are _not_ them. You never will be. _Fuck,_ if only I knew right away that he was your father…’’

‘’I didn’t dare to tell you.’’ His words were muted from his hands still covering his face.

‘’Sander, look at me.’’ Robbe scooched closer, grabbing Sander’s hands cautiously, making sure he felt safe, making sure he didn’t feel pushed. To Robbe’s surprise, Sander let him take his hands away and _finally_ locked eyes with him. He had never seen him more drained. ‘’You’re _not_ them, okay? I am so sorry that I said what I said. I didn’t mean to make you think that I hate you. _Fuck_ , I would never even be able to.’’

Sander sighed, shaking his head again. ‘’You don’t know that.’’

‘’I do, Sander. Fuck, I do.’’ Robbe intertwined his fingers with Sander’s, as he continuously caressed his skin with his fingers, making him feel safe and loved as much as he possibly could. ‘’I don’t give a shit about them being your family. What happens between us isn’t about them. It’s about us, okay? It always will be. Just the two of us.’’

‘’But what if I make things worse? What if I ruin everything? What if I ruin you?’’

Robbe swallowed. ‘’Then ruin me.’’

‘’But, I-’’

‘’Sander, I love you, okay? I always will, no matter what happens.’’ Sander looked up at him again, his eyes watering, but to Robbe’s surprise, also showing off some kind of doubt.

‘’I don’t believe you.’’

Robbe moved even closer, suddenly forgetting how he wanted to take things slow. He still wanted to, but he mostly wanted Sander to know that he meant this, a hundred percent. ‘’Then let me prove it to you.’’

‘’How?’’

He put his forehead against his. ‘’By trusting me. By staying with me.’’

‘’I… okay.’’

‘’Come here.’’ Robbe stood up slowly, taking Sander with him by his hands that were still intertwined with his own. The blonde went along with him, gradually but surely. As the both of them finally stood, Robbe wrapped his arms around the blonde, holding him as close to him as he possibly could. Sander wrapped his arms around Robbe in response, as he buried his face into the crook of his neck. The boy started crying, so much that he was barely able to breathe. And all Robbe could do was _be there for him_ , make him feel loved, make him feel comfortable, and make him feel like he was the only one that mattered. He didn’t care how much it would take to prove Sander he meant this. He didn’t care if it took forever. All he cared about was him.

‘’I missed you so much.’’ He whispered, caressing the back of his head with his hand.

Sander sobbed, yet, Robbe was still able to hear what he said: ‘’I love you.’’

‘’I love you, too.’’

He always would.

**

**Warning: The following part contains explicit content.**

**You can skip this if you want.**

The bike ride home was exactly how Robbe had wanted it to be. He had taken Sander with him, sitting on the luggage rack behind him, his arms wrapped around Robbe’s waist in a way that didn’t only make the blonde feel safe, but Robbe himself as well.  
  
Robbe smiled, as he put his left hand on Sander’s, caressing the back with his thumb. Weeks ago, the roles had been reversed, but now, Sander was more vulnerable than he had ever been. And this time, Robbe was gonna take care of him. He was gonna show him that he was loved, and that with him, he was safe and would be treated like he had always deserved.  
  
As they had arrived at Robbe’s apartment, he had taken Sander with him by his hand, the fingers of his right hand intertwined with his, as he opened the front door with his other. Last time, things had been passionate and intense, whereas this time, things were slow, careful, sensitive, and most of all, _loving_. Loving in a way Sander deserved. Loving in a way that proved that Robbe would never treat him the way his parents and others had ever done. Loving in a way to take away all of Sander’s fears and replace them by a feeling of safety and security.  
  
Loving in a way that showed how utterly and completely in love Robbe was with the person right in front of him. Sander had become his entire world, and that’s exactly how much Robbe wanted to give him in return.  
  
As they stepped inside and the door fell closed, Robbe helped Sander taking off his jacket, afterwards taking off his own. He grabbed his hand again, intertwining their fingers, as if it gave Robbe an extra security that Sander wouldn’t slip away again, as well as it gave Sander extra security that Robbe wouldn’t leave him anymore.  
  
Robbe opened the door to his bedroom, making them both fall down on his bed slowly. They stared at each other for what felt like hours - the two of them just taking the other in, breathing in each other’s presence and appreciating the other.  
  
As a tear slid down Sander’s face, Robbe quickly wiped it away with his thumb, moving it down to caress his cheek afterwards.  
  
“You’re safe now.” It came out like a whisper, a whisper that spoke volumes, as it was a promise that Robbe would keep forever.  
  
Sander smiled, moving closer to press his lips against Robbe’s. As Robbe kissed him back, the blonde scooched over closer, making the distance between the two disappear completely.  
  
Robbe wrapped his arms around his neck, as Sander put his hands on his waist, pulling his body on top of him. As their kiss became more sloppy, Sander biting down on Robbe’s bottom lip to gain access for his tongue to explore his mouth, the vibe amongst them became more passionate gradually, as the love between them became so much that they quite literally started to crave each other in every way possible.  
  
As Robbe now lied on top, Sander grabbed ahold of his thighs, pushing his fingers into Robbe’s skin through his pants. Robbe’s lips left Sander’s to travel down to his neck, leaving a path of wet kisses down to his collarbone, back up to his ear. Sander sighed, grabbing Robbe’s hair and pulling it in response.  
  
Robbe moaned from both Sander’s influence and his touch. “I’ve missed you so much.” His words got muted by his lips still being digged into the blonde’s skin, but Sander still knew what he said; he knew even if Robbe hadn’t said it. Because he had missed him too, for way too fucking long.

Robbe moved upwards, his face hanging above Sander’s. He studied his face for a few seconds, his cheeks flushed, his lips puffy from his own against them. The blonde moved his hands to Robbe’s face, caressing both cheeks with his thumbs. The touch of Robbe’s skin to his fingers almost made them catch fire, that’s how much electricity resulted from it. He moved up to press a kiss against his nose, locking eyes with him again as he moved back.

‘’Do you want to?’’ He stammered.

Robbe smiled slightly yet appreciative, adoring how Sander could be so vulnerable, maybe even a bit insecure, as he bowed down to press a kiss to his nose, as well. ‘’Yes.’’

Sander brushed his nose against his, pressing another kiss on his lips, as he moved his hands back to Robbe’s waist. His hands disappeared underneath the thin fabric of his shirt, as he pulled it up over his head to take it off. His hands moved to his waist again, a little higher this time, to be able to turn the brunet around and lie on top of him. He moved up, taking off his own shirt, too, moving back down to place his bare chest against Robbe’s.

Robbe’s hands moved all over Sander’s bare upper body- from his back to his chest to his neck, every single spot was covered, as if he wanted Sander to know he wasn’t forgetting about any and that every single part about him was special enough and deserved to be touched. Sander’s lips still explored Robbe’s, taking his bottom lip between his teeth, making Robbe moan in response.

He moved up again, placing himself lower to undo Robbe’s belt, the one he so badly needed because that’s how skinny he was. He took off his pants, his boxers too, placing kisses around his most sensitive spot, as Robbe grabbed the sheets in his hands and pulled them to release the pleasure Sander made him feel.

They didn’t exchange many words, but they didn’t have to. Last time, things were different. The passion was still there, but way more intimate this time. They didn’t need words to let the other know how they felt. All they needed was each other’s presence, their skin touching each other, the warmth of each other’s bodies and the feeling of safety that gave them. And that was enough.

In the meantime, Sander had taken off all of his clothes, too, as he pined down Robbe’s hands above his head, intertwining his fingers with both of them, kissing his neck down to his collarbone. He marked his skin right there, resulting in a rush that went all the way through Robbe’s body. ‘’ _Fuck,_ Sander…’’

‘’Are you sure?’’ The blonde looked up, locking eyes with Robbe once again, his look concerned, as if he wanted to make sure he wasn’t doing anything wrong this time. If only he would start to believe he had never done anything wrong at all in the first place.

Robbe nodded. ‘’A hundred percent.’’

Sander smiled, pressing his curled lips against Robbe’s, them dissolving into each other completely. He grabbed ahold of his thighs, then his legs, making sure he was laying in the right position for Sander to get inside of him. Robbe whimpered as he did, a shot of pain moving through his body.

‘’Are you okay?’’ The brunet nodded immediately, moving his head up to reach for Sander’s lips, taking him down with him.

‘’Yes. Please, continue.’’ He muttered against his lips, as he wrapped both arms around Sander’s neck, holding him as close as he possibly could.

Sander pressed his fingers into Robbe’s thighs, moving himself in and out, creating a feeling of magic for the both of them. He buried his face into the crook of Robbe’s neck, breathing in and out, kissing his skin from time to time to make sure he was feeling okay.

Robbe moaned as he pulled Sander’s hair, digging his fingers further into his muscular back, deeper with each thrust. ‘’Fuck, Sander, I’m not gonna last long.’’

Sander giggled, as he brushed his nose against the skin of Robbe’s neck, placing a kiss on his ear.

‘’Then don’t.’’ He whispered, taking Robbe’s earring in between his teeth, licking it with his tongue. Robbe groaned as goosebumps formed all over his body, feeling himself reach his climax. ‘’Sander, I- _oh my god_.’

Robbe came way quicker than he ever expected, the feeling Sander gave him being too overwhelming to be able to resist or hold back. Apparently, the sight of him coming undone was enough to make Sander reach his climax, too.

‘’Fucking hell, Robbe.’’ He groaned, pressing his forehead just beneath Robbe’s face, right on his chest, as he waited a while, just breathing in and out. The sound of Robbe’s heartbeat made him come back to his senses slowly. The brunet chuckled, moving his hand over his boyfriend’s hair to caress his head, making sure he felt alright and safe.

Sander looked up, moving himself off of Robbe and placing himself next to him. He lied his head down on Robbe’s chest, as he moved up to load him with butterfly kisses on his jaw and neck. Robbe giggled, looking down to be able to study Sander’s face.

‘’So… how was it?’’

Robbe snorted from Sander’s insecurity. Not that he thought it was funny, but he just didn’t understand. He quite surely didn’t have to be. ‘’Are you seriously asking me that?’’

Sanders shrugged, moving back down, placing his head back on his boyfriend’s chest. He grabbed his necklace, playing with the angel pendant that was hanging onto it.

‘’I just… wanted to make sure it was okay.’’

‘’Sander, it was perfect.’’

He looked up once again, staring at Robbe who stared back at him, twinkles appearing in both of their eyes. Robbe moved his hand to Sander’s cheek, caressing it with his fingers, reaching out for his hair to be able to push it back.

‘’ _You_ are perfect.’’

**

**SANDER’S POV**

The next morning, as Sander lied in bed and stretched out his body, he smiled as he felt Robbe’s warm and securing presence next to him. He moved closer towards him, wrapping his arm around him tightly to make sure he wouldn’t be able to leave.

Not that he would, though.

Robbe had quite clearly let him know that he wasn’t gonna leave him, whatever happened. He told him he _loved_ him, even after finding out about his last name, even after finding out that he was related to the people that ruined his life the most. He couldn’t believe he had gotten so lucky. Robbe loved him no matter what, even though he had a mental illness, and even though his parents had given him the worst turns in his life. Robbe only saw him for him, as Sander, and everything else quite simply didn’t matter.

He really was the luckiest guy on the entire planet.

He lifted his head a little as he felt Robbe move in his grip. The brunet inhaled, suddenly stopping, lying stiff. Sander frowned, not being sure what was happening. Robbe turned around quickly, and as soon as his eyes met Sander’s, the blonde could feel him relax again, getting soft in his arms.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ Sander questioned, observing his boyfriend’s face.

‘’Nothing. I just… wasn’t sure if you’d still be here.’’

Sander frowned, confused by Robbe’s concern. ‘’You really thought I was going to leave again?’’

Robbe shrugged, studying Sander’s face with the most gorgeous puppy eyes the blonde had ever seen. ‘’I didn’t know what to expect.’’

Sander grabbed Robbe’s waist, making him turn around to face him completely. He scooched closer, intertwining his legs with Robbe’s, planting a soft, reassuring kiss on his forehead.

‘’I am not leaving you again, I promise.’’ It was the softest whisper, but even more so the words that rang the loudest in Robbe’s memory. He didn’t doubt him for a second. He couldn’t, even if he tried to.

Robbe grabbed Sander by his neck, making their lips touch as quickly as he possibly could. Ever since they had gotten back together last night, they barely had been able to keep their hands off of each other. They _craved_ each other’s touch, they practically died without it, as if it was the air they needed to badly to be able to breathe. And now, they enjoyed it even more so, as there weren’t any secrets left to be revealed except for the many feelings Robbe would be able to make Sander feel in the future that was ahead of them. Right now, the honesty between them made the vibe amongst them even more… _enchanting_.

Robbe moved up, hanging his face above Sander’s, as the blonde moved his hand through his boyfriend’s long brown-haired locks on the back of his head. Their lips explored each other as Sander’s free hand travelled up Robbe’s bare back, the delicate touch of his fingers giving Robbe goosebumps. The brunet moved his mouth to Sander’s neck, giving him open-mouthed kisses down to the center of his chest. Sander groaned, as he grabbed Robbe by his arms to pull him back up.

‘’What?’’

‘’Sorry, I just… I might have made you breakfast and if we don’t eat that now, the croissants will get cold. And the pancakes. And the tea.’’

Robbe moved back surprised, immediately sitting up as soon as Sander dropped the word ‘’breakfast’’. Sander giggled in response, adoring how incredibly cute and adorable Robbe was, the butterflies moving on full speed everywhere through his body. It was crazy what this guy did to him with even the smallest look. ‘’You _did?’’_

Sander nodded, as he got up from the bed to grab the tray he decorated with food and flowers down from the floor next to the bed. He put daisies on it, the flowers he knew Robbe liked the most. Or at least, he had seen them standing everywhere in his apartment the first time he got here. As he put the tray in Robbe’s hands, the brunet’s mouth dropped open. ‘’Sander, you really didn’t have to.’’

‘’I wanted to. You deserve to be treated well.’’ Robbe moved the tray next to him on his nightstand and quite literally jumped him, making Sander fall down back onto the bed, Robbe crawling on top of him. He attacked him with kisses _everywhere,_ from his face, to his neck, to his chest. He grabbed his face in between his hands as he kissed him passionately, hooking his leg into Sander’s to make sure he wasn’t going to be able to move away.

Sander’s tongue moved past Robbe’s lower lip, gaining access to explore his mouth, letting his tongue meet with his. The wet, intense feeling made both boys go completely _crazy_.

‘’I am so _fucking_ in love with you.’’ Sander breathed into his mouth, making Robbe groan in response. He bit the blonde’s lower lip, pressing his fingers into his chest, lower and lower.

Robbe let go of his lips, moving them to his neck to suck the skin slightly but surely. Sander moaned, grabbing Robbe’s hair and pulling it. The brunet moved down, kissing Sander down his chest until he ended up at his sensitive spot, moving his fingers around over the blonde’s skin. His nose searched the edge of Sander’s boxers, as he finally put his fingers underneath, ready to take it off.

‘’Robbe,’’ Sander grabbed his boyfriend by his arms, making the brunet look up all confused, as if his mind was still in another world and he needed a minute to come back to reality. As much as Sander wanted him to continue, they had other priorities first. And they quite literally had all the time in the entire world.

‘’Breakfast first.’’

Robbe groaned as he moved up. ‘’Fine, we’ll leave this for dessert.’’ He pouted, making Sander laugh in response. He really was the most gorgeous boy Sander had ever seen. As he realized once again that he was actually _his,_ he felt a rush racing through his entire body. Fuck, the things this guy did to him.

Robbe grabbed the tray from his nightstand, immediately taking one of the croissants in his hands, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the smell that came off the closer he held it to his face.

‘’Why is your Instagram name _Earthlingoddity_?’’ He asked, as he put the croissant in his mouth, his question almost sounding inaudible. Sander smiled as confusion took over his face, not being sure how Robbe even knew in the first place.

‘’Senne showed me.’’ Ah, of course he did.

‘’It’s a reference to Bowie.’’

‘’David Bowie?’’

‘’Hm-m. Do you know him?’’

Robbe smiled as he studied the rest of the tray. ‘’Yeah, my mom listens to him a lot.’’

Sander felt his heart skip a beat as he realized how much of a coincidence it was that both him and Robbe’s mom liked the same artist. It was almost as if he found new things every single day that led him to believe more and more that him and Robbe somehow were meant to be.

‘’You should meet her sometime.’’ Sander looked up from his hands, being taken aback from Robbe’s question. Meet his mom? What if she found out he was the mayor’s son and she would hate the guy her son was dating?

‘’Should I? I mean, what if she…’’

‘’Sander. She’s not gonna hate you when she finds out. Not me, not her, nobody. You have nothing to do with them, remember? You’re _you,_ and you’re not like them in any way.’’

Robbe put the tray next to him on the mattress, as he leaned forward to wrap both arms around Sander’s neck. He scooched closer to be able to climb onto his lap, pressing kisses on the side of his face. A feeling of warmth crippled through Sander’s body, the concern making place for a feeling of safety and security.

‘’Fuck, I love you so much, Ijzermans.’’ He whispered, as he pressed his lips against Robbe’s.

‘’I love you, too.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! i am so sorry this chapter took me so long. i wasn't feeling well last week and the words i wanted to write just didn't really come to me. i really hope this chapter resulted in something good, as i've written it a bit more quickly than i usually do (and i'm just very insecure about my writing).
> 
> please let me know what you thought about it, your comments mean the entire world to me and would hopefully make me a bit less insecure lol. tell me what you think will happen in the last chapter! i am so curious about your opinions and theories.
> 
> thank you for reading, stay safe x

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! comments are always appreciated, please let me know what you thought of it! <3


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